Q: A friend who I would like to become intimate with told me that she has herpes. She said she got it from a guy going down on her, and that it was the same "strand" of herpes that causes cold sores on the mouth. She said she has only had one breakout ever, earlier this year. I'd like to have sex with her, but I'm concerned about contracting the virus. I know that condoms offer good protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), but would I be at a great risk if we were to have sex? I also understand that the virus can spread to the pubic region, so I'm assuming that therein lies another risk? I want to become intimate with this girl, but don't want the life-altering effects of the virus.\nA: It's wonderful that you two are having this conversation before becoming intimate. That speaks highly of both of you -- that she feels able to talk about this with you, and that you're actively seeking out information about your sexual health. This sort of communication can be difficult, but necessary, so congrats to you both.\nHerpes simplex virus (HSV) is a common STI. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that roughly 20 percent of sexually active adolescents and adults have genital herpes, and most are unaware that they carry it (many more people have HSV-1 on their mouth, which can cause occasional cold sores).\nThere are two main strains of the herpes virus when it comes to genital transmission. What your friend may have meant about the "strand" of herpes she has is that perhaps her medical provider told her she has Herpes Simplex Virus type 1, or HSV-1. HSV-1 primarily causes fever blisters or cold sores on the mouth and lips, but can cause genital outbreaks if transmitted by oral-genital contact. HSV-1 can also be transmitted through genital to genital contact , but according to the CDC, HSV-1 causes fewer genital outbreaks than HSV-2 (the kind that commonly causes genital sores).\nWith both strains of herpes, HSV-1 and HSV-2, the initial outbreak tends to be the worst, and outbreaks generally become less severe and less frequent over time. However, since herpes is a virus, one cannot be "cured" of it, and the possibility of transmitting it to a sexual partner will remain.\nYou're correct that condoms cannot completely eliminate the risk for herpes transmission. Even if your friend is not having an outbreak, it is possible to transmit the virus to genital skin and other mucous membranes that are not covered by a barrier, such as a condom. Genital herpes can appear in any of the following areas in the pubic region: vagina, vulva, penis, anus, thighs, scrotum, and buttocks. Most of these areas are not covered by condoms. \nSome medications are available that may reduce the risk of transmission (particularly when used in combination with a condom), so you two might consider talking with a health care provider about that possibility. \nMany people living with herpes have satisfying, exciting sex lives. Having herpes is definitely not the end of the world, especially considering how common it is. However, you might postpone sex until you're really sure you want to go ahead with it and feel okay about the risk. \nIt's admirable of your friend to tell you about her sexual health and the risks involved, especially given the possibility of rejection. Being sexually responsible is about making informed decisions. I hope this information helps the two of you talk about difficult issues, and make whatever decision feels right to you. You can find additional resources and links about herpes and other STIs on the KISISS Web site.
Kinsey Confidential is a service of The Kinsey Institute Sexuality Information Service for Students (KISISS) at IU. Visit the Web site at www.indiana.edu/~kisiss or write to us at kisiss@indiana.edu.
