8:20 p.m.: Ok it has been like 20 minutes and everything has been great. Opening rocked and they're already getting things off to a big start with the hardest category: Best Supporting Actor! Could it be my boy Giamatti? Envelope is being opened….. GEORGE CLOONEY! The man had to win SOMETHING tonight and he scored big! "Guess I won't be winning Best Director!" Priceless. If he was going to get a statue, this was the category to do it in.
8:50 p.m.: Ok nothing too special going on. "King Kong" conquered Best Visual Effects as to be suspected. Ben Stiller is lame and Spielberg completely shot him down on that joke he tried to make. Oh and "Wallace & Gromit" won as well for Best Animated Feature. Dolly Parton's song makes me want to vomit. It sounds awful! Bunch of short film stuff I never saw and then, as I expected, "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins for costumes. Kimonos are difficult to make so this was a shoo-in.
9:20 p.m.: Starting to pick up the pace… "Chronicles of Narnia" beat "Cinderella Man" for Best Make-up which is disappointing. Tech awards that everyone yawns over. Rachel Weisz won for "The Constant Gardener!" Doesn't seem like "Brokeback Mountain" will get any acting awards tonight… Interesting piece with Lauren Bacall and film noir but oddly placed. Oh looks like Best Documentary Feature is next. Who could it be? … PENGUINS! They're actually carrying stuffed penguins on the stage!? That is bizarre.
9:45 p.m.: Ugh that song for "Crash" was horrible as was the stage direction of it. People dancing and acting out the scenes? Burning car? This is all nonsense. "Geisha" got another award for Best Art Direction. I was only expecting costumes! Now it is time for Best Score… "Brokeback Mountain!" Yes! I almost thought John Williams would have another Oscar for his mantle but he goes home empty-handed.
10:05 p.m.: Ok all these montages just made sense. Hollywood wants the asses back in the seats of the theatres. "Mary Poppins" an epic piece of cinema and yet no scenes of "Lawrence of Arabia?" What the hell? "King Kong" scored another statue too -- for sound mixing!
10:20 p.m.: Wow, I dislike everything I've ever seen from Robert Altman and the past 15 minutes of my life I want back. That whole Tomlin/Streep joke went on for far too long. At least his speech was respectable. Movies are like sand castles. I like that… Looks like Three 6 Mafia are here to sing the track from "Hustle." No Terrence Howard on the mic? Disappointing... Ok here's Queen Latifah with the envelope… Three 6 Mafia wins! Wow, that's huge, but the competition wasn't that fierce.
10:40 p.m.: "Kong" sweeps the visual/sound categories! Yet "Paradise Now" loses to "Tsotsi." Ouch Jon Stewart. Throwing daggers at my idol Martin Scorsese. That's below the belt sir! Uh oh, massive category with gorgeous Zhang Ziyi. Best Editing? My money is on "Constant Gardener." Goddamnit! "Crash" won editing??? That makes no sense. All those great films and "Crash" wins. Oh well, Swank just walked on stage for Best Actor. Hoffman has it in the bag; look at the smirk on his face! Envelope… HOFFMAN! Wooooo! That a boy! Finally the respect he deserves!
10:52 p.m.: Oh these commercial breaks are killing me. Ok Best Cinematography time. "Brokeback" has this one in the bag... "Memoirs of a Geisha!?!?!?!" WOW! I did NOT see this coming at all. I mean I loved the film, but Best Cinematography? Wow is all I can say…
10:59 p.m.: Well Reese Witherspoon just won Best Actress. Go figure. Thank God Judi Dench didn't win. Now just don't go make "Legally Blonde 3."
11:08 p.m.: Dustin Hoffman and some adapted screenplay goodness. "Brokeback" has got this one locked… Yep! "Brokeback" takes the cake. Jeans allowed the Oscars? McMurtry must not have given a damn since he knew he was going to win! Now lovely Uma Thurman with original screenplay. "Crash" is going to get it. I hate the screenplay, but it is a lock… Yep, Haggis and Moresco smirking. Enough said.
11:21 p.m.: Ok Tom Hanks, give that statue to Ang Lee. He pointed at Steven! Could Spielberg actually pull it off? NO! Ang Lee wins! "Brokeback Mountain" is going to win Best Picture! YES! Ok here comes Jack Nicholson looking smug as hell. Who is it? Just rip open the envelope…. "Crash?" "CRASH!!!???" Even HE looks stunned as hell! Wow, what a damn upset. This is nonsense. "Crash" now will be added to the list comprised of other upsets like "Shakespeare in Love," "The English Patient," "Dances With Wolves," hell it goes all the way back to "Citizen Kane" losing to "How Green Was My Valley." Wow, I cannot believe it. "Brokeback" won practically everything except the SAG and yet tonight it has been robbed by a film that Bill O'Reilly championed. 3 ½ hours to see "Crash" beat four other films that were 10 times better. Right now Lee and Spielberg are probably crying while Capote and Murrow are rolling in their graves. "Million Dollar Baby" last year and now "Crash" this year. Watch "Flags of Our Fathers" win next year's Oscars. Paul Haggis is a hack writer. I'm done. I need time to recoup from this massive disappointment. Not going to throw the TV out the window. That would only let "Crash" win even more.
