OK, having survived this year's Valentine's Day extortion and the demolition derby of sales bonanzas surrounding Presidents Day, it's time to get back to buying random trinkets that serve no functional purpose. Fortunately for everyone, "the grand clearinghouse of all that should not be" known as the Internet offers plenty of artful choices for desperate shoppers clamoring to find a unique gift.
Crocheted vulvas from www.crochetmycrotch.com \nThere is a disturbing selection of hand-made crocheted vulva products -- everything from coin purses to ear muffs -- up for sale at www.crochetmycrotch.com. They even do custom orders. The feminist-oriented Web site is inspired by the Vagina Monologues and maintained by an avid "vulva enthusiast and women's rights activist."
Trash Talkin' Turleen doll from www.trailertrashdoll.com \nIf Barbie dolls are a slap in the face to your Midwestern sensibilities, then www.trailertrashdoll.com might have what you're looking for. According to the Web site, Trash Talkin' Turleen "is the world's first talking, pregnant collectible doll ... Barefoot and pregnant, she stands almost a foot tall, with graying hair in multi-color curlers, a simulated leather jacket, polyester pants and carries a baby in her arms." You can push her belly button to hear her belch, laugh or belt out one of four catchy phrases, like "Pour me a double, I'm drinkin' fer two!" or "Bubba Junior, get off yer sister!"
Gruppets from www.\ncyberimport.com \nA Gruppet is kind of like a deformed puppet merged with the muppet that haunts your nightmares and is probably the most eerily disturbing thing ever to come out of China. The T-shirts are even more bizarre -- honestly, it takes me almost an hour to stop laughing every time I look at them. According to the Web site, "teachers, lecturers, ministers and law enforcement have applauded the versatility of puppets for role-play and communicating the problems of growing up," but it's doubtful that the Gruppet's "boob squeeker" and "removable tongue" features will ever find their way into any class demonstrations. \nUnfortunately, the Web site only offers Gruppets in bulk, but you still might be able to score a few of them by contacting the Web site's customer service department, or through Cyberimport's eBay store.
