Parking lot politics

The parking lot is not a meritocracy.\nLet that sink in for a minute. \nNow repeat: "The parking lot is not a meritocracy." (This rule, as all others, has its exceptions. However, as said, exceptions don't apply to Kirkwood Avenue, the stadium or the grocery store, they're better left untouched.)\nOtherwise, the parking lot is instead a generally egalitarian enterprise. As many of you might already know, the basic premise is as follows: If you arrive to your destination at a particularly lucky time, or your destination is a particularly unpopular space, you might happen to find a convenient parking spot. Otherwise you, along with a great many others, are relegated to a crappy space somewhere between Egypt and Mars. \nTo make a simple analogy, parking lots are like many governments. Some governments (unlike that of the United States) apply the basic principle of "one man, one vote." Parking lots, similarly, apply the basic principle of "one car, one parking space." Just as wealthy individuals don't, in principle, have more votes than poor individuals, expensive cars don't inherently deserve more than one parking spot. \nYet some try to subvert the principle by parking diagonally in two (or three) contiguous spaces, parking on the line between two spaces, or generally positioning their car in such a way that no one can park within three miles of said vehicle. These people are, in effect, proclaiming to the world: "I am worth more spaces than you are." If everyone did likewise, a trip to the grocery store would be utter chaos, and there would be constant turf warring in regards to the right to put your car somewhere.\nFortunately, most people are generally respectful enough to park far away if they truly fear damage to their cars. Others, however, just can't be bothered. It's symptomatic of a larger societal problem -- specifically, that a small group of people think that they're more important than everyone else. \nFighting it is an exercise in futility. But, at least we can make a symbolic gesture.\nTo counteract those who demand more than their fair share of space (effectively thumbing their noses at equality), I'm proposing a group of vehicular guerillas. The only requirement for joining is a skinny car and the ability to read a license plate. Those who join need only to seek out offenders and squeeze their car in as close to the driver's side of the offending car as possible, taking care to give as much space as possible to the innocent car in the next space over. Then, that individual must take care to write down the license plate number, as well as a brief description of the offending vehicle, to provide to the police in the case of collateral damage.\nIf you are willing and able, join up. On the other hand, if you are a parking offender, let this be a warning to you. When the Governor of Parking Lot Land abdicates responsibility, our militia will be there to restore order. The revolution is coming, and it's driving skinny cars.