Old folks and sex

As I stood over a full sink of dishes, washing the time away in a nursing home, one of my co-workers, Debbie, came up to me and said, "Patrice, I turn 58 next week and I bet I get more sex than the young folks." \nImmediately, I cracked up. Debbie is a very strict Pentecostal woman who does not cut her hair, only wears skirts and is very subservient to her husband.\nThe comment did not come as a surprise and as I thought about my own sex-starved life, I realized she was probably right.\nAs my co-workers and I began to talk to Debbie, we realized that though young people walk around mostly controlled by their hormones and waiting for their next sexual fix, we could learn a lot from "old folks." We listened to Debbie's life story in awe, wondering how it was possible in a day where twentysomethings -- who are usually known for their abundant sexual activity -- are more worried about protecting themselves from getting hurt than being open and honest about our feelings and what we want. Debbie told us that she had dated a guy named Henry her entire high-school career, had never had sex and was going to marry him. Then one night, she met her husband and immediately broke up with her boyfriend. \n"Here all this time I had dated this guy, (we) never had sex, and me and Charles had been together for three months, had sex and got married three months later," she said. "Maybe if me and Henry had sex, we would have gotten married." \nI told her sex doesn't matter and if it did, I would have been married five or six times by now. \nThe conversation was enough to make me think twice about the oath of celibacy I have taken for the spring semester. \nShe told us that her husband was the only person she had ever had sex with and if she could go back, she would change that. \n"You always wonder," she said to me. \nAnd I quickly retorted, "Honey, you're not missing much. If you have had one, you have had them all." \nThough Debbie expressed concern for me and a few of the college-aged girls that work in the kitchen, we established that there is no one secret to having a long-lasting relationship or good sex. It is something that just happens. No one can ever explain why they are in 40-year relationships. The only thing that many of my elders have to say is learn from each relationship, and keep in mind what you don't want. I wish I could come back with some wisdom, but the only thing I can say is talking about sex with your elders can be more fun than you think.