Biggie size it

Ladies like 'em big and thick.\nWell, at least according to Hardee's.\nThrough sexually explicit advertising, Hardee's has begun airing commercials that mirror the image of the "large Thickburger" with the image of "large male genitalia."\nTake the recent commercial with Paris Hilton, for example.\nIn the commercial, the nearly-naked sleaze princess is washing a Bentley in a leather bikini, allowing the suds to slide down her silicon valley. All the while, Paris is stuffing a hamburger the size of a picnic table down her throat. \n"That's hot," Paris gurgles at the finale of the commercial. Hence, men are subjected to the message that women are only sexually heated by the meaty "(w)angus beef." \nIs this theory of "Big Mac supremacy" entirely fallacious? Or are the men of America with "1/4 (inch) pounders" truly subject to inferiority? \nThe question remains: When it comes to burger patties and crotch tatties, does size really matter?\nMen in the media are glorified, even deified, for having "Monster Thickburgers." Rocker Tommy Lee and porn star Ron Jeremy have based their entire stardoms on the gargantuan dimensions of their respective dongs, despite the fact that for these men, doing jumping jacks could be potentially fatal.\nNevertheless, these Herculean genitalia are continually worshipped. At my high school, there was a male who was known by many as simply "the beastmaster." As he walked down the hallway, people would kneel in servility, as if bowing down to his mighty rain stick would summon a good harvest. \nAnother male at my high school had the opposite reputation. After being "pantsed" in the locker room, he became subject to daily ridicule. Pictures of amebas and Gary Coleman began to decorate the exterior of his locker. Later that year, he dropped out of school. Rumor has it he now lives in exile in New Guinea, in a tiny grass hut with a wooden table and a monkey named Pebbles.\nAs author Maggie Paley states in her essay, "The Size Question," we live in a "culture that encourages men to think of their (masculinity) as residing in their (pants)."\nAnd for many men, the insecurity of size can be compounded by the fear of sexual rejection. \nIn an episode of "Sex and the City," for example, one of the main characters, Samantha, falls in love with a man named James. However, after discovering James' "shortcomings," she dumps him. She later compares his organ to a gherkin, a tiny pickle commonly found in Jewish cuisine.\nSo, is a dump over a pickle entirely fickle?\nNot necessarily. Sexual satisfaction is a vital part of any relationship. However, it's also important to remember that with relationships and Hardee's alike, the meat is only one part of the combo.\nJust because the "hamburger" doesn't fill them up doesn't mean that additional side items won't suffice. Funniness french fries, sensitivity side salads and personality parfaits are all important parts of a "relationship happy meal." \nSo remember: Having a "Small to Medium-Sized Mac" doesn't mean you are any less of man. \nReal men have 8-inch hearts.