Celebrity oops

It has been the day from hell: You woke up an hour too late for class, failed your statistics test and managed to spill a Starbucks latte all over your white T-shirt. When you finally get home, you vent to your roommates. Sometimes you just need a little help from your friends.\nBut if you are a celebrity, who do you turn to when you are having one of those days? Surely a stylist and hairdresser have helpful advice when it comes to picking a designer Oscar gown and the perfect shade of blonde highlights. But when it comes down to sincere, straight-from-the-heart advice that really matters, it is unlikely a celebrity will have a supportive and trustworthy roommate.\nWhether after being pictured snorting cocaine like Kate Moss or nationally exposed in a sex tape like Paris Hilton, celebrities need advice too. From Madonna to Tara Reid, here is a little counsel of my own. \nMadonna: You would have to be living under a rock not to have heard of Madonna's ongoing involvement with Kabbalah. Word has spread that Madonna's upcoming album includes a paean to the 16th-century Jewish mystic Isaac Luria, making him hipper than he ever was when alive. This has resulted in many rabbis accusing the Catholic-born singer -- a woman who is about as Jewish as the pope -- of sacrilege. Even the custodians of the mystic's tomb and seminary have accused her of breaking a taboo. Madonna, you are in desperate need of class-A intervention: This is Judaism, not entertainment, and certainly not just another trend.\nAshton Kutcher and Demi Moore: Ditto on the above statement. \nKatie Holmes: She's every father's worst nightmare. She is 26 years old, engaged to a 43-year-old divorced Hollywood big shot with two children of his own and she is pregnant. Apparently, Katie's devoutly Catholic father is "very upset" that his unmarried daughter is about to have a child. What's more is that she's marrying a Scientologist and has been seen dabbling in the controversial religion herself. As the saying goes, "Father knows best." Katie, snap out of the TomKat hypnosis you are under. Tom is cuckoo (think: couch jumping on Oprah), and you need to get away as quickly as possible. \nTom Cruise: Two words -- cradle robber. Tom, the damage is already done. If it weren't for your religious beliefs, you would be on potent medications.\nTara Reid: In the Oct. 12 issue of Steppin' Out magazine, Reid said, "I think there must be a journalist school where students are taught how to kill Tara Reid." Tara got what she deserved. From her nonstop partying on the television series "Taradise," to her continuous thirst for alcoholic beverages (not always drunk in moderation), to her ... well, wait. That's about it. That just about sums up Tara's life. In a couple of years, the only thing anyone will remember about Tara Reid is the wardrobe mishap that occurred last November when her dress fell down and her left breast popped out. \nSo practice your own religion, pop a pill or wear a bra. And remember: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage.