'Venom' is like poison to your eyes

There is a reason that "Venom" is only playing in one theater in the Indianapolis metropolitan area. And I bet you know what that reason is.\nIt's kind of lame. Surprise! \nDirected by Jim Gillespie, "Venom" follows half a dozen teenagers through the Louisiana bayou as they're individually mutilated by a redneck zombie who is chock-full of evil voodoo snakes -- which is about as good as it sounds, actually.\nAnyone going to see this can't honestly expect anything more than the film delivers. So I don't imagine it will disappoint anyone. While it's nothing more than another teenage slasher flick, it meets the requirements of that particular genre well. It gives us a short list of characters. The audience quickly identifies who will and won't die, and then goes about dispatching the unlucky and stupid ones. \nThe movie obviously knows its limited range, and consequently doesn't go for fifteen minutes without a violent death. It skimps on back story and setting, making do with only what the camera can visually provide. And therefore, the cast is nameless and faceless, and their characters are bland. But again, that's not really what we're here for, now is it?\nWe're here to see a barely-used Method Man prove to us, once and for all, that he should stick to the rap game (and catch the sharp end of a crow bar with his neck). And we're also here to see how many different ways the zombie (who drove a tow truck before he got into zombieism by way of creepy voodoo ritualism) can use his tow truck to kill a screaming, writhing coed. Turns out there are lots of different ways.\nBut enough exposition. Let's get down to the facts.\nFact: this movie is basically a recycled version of every second-rate "kill the teenagers" movie Dimension Films, its parent company, has ever produced.\nFact: it arrived with stunningly little fanfare and a limited release. And that probably had something to do with the exploitation of bayou folklore to make a mediocre horror flick coinciding with one of the largest natural disasters to ever affect the United States occurring in, of all places, Louisiana. \nFact: despite its obvious shortcomings, the film does have a few scares. It goes through gallons of fake blood, and puts some effort into whittling down the cast in inventive ways. So you can't say they weren't trying.\nAnd fact: when you consider everything, this movie still isn't anything you'll remember after you leave the theater. You've seen it before. So don't see it again.