Cutting it clean

Excuse me while I sound like a sound bite from "Sex and the City." \nWhy is it so hard to back away from the emotion of a relationship? \nI'll concede it shouldn't be easy to throw away something of substance and even a long sentimentalized version of the past, which can look good compared to the bleakest of presents. But no one can cut themselves clean, which is why the word "baggage" applies to more than airline travel. If you are reading this, then you are probably older than 18. That means you have a romantic past -- at least I hope you have. But why is it that when things go dreadfully sour we can't just cut it clean? \nThis is where I tell a story. Cue the montage music. \nOne of my best friends meets this girl, and she responds to his tepid interest with a great sweeping adoration. She gets hung up on him while they hang out, hook up, etc. He describes it as one-foot-in-the-door interest. That damn pink and green book would say, "He's just not that into her." It sounds like the typical guy thing, but everyone has moments where they aren't completely convinced the other person is right. \nCan you sense what's up with one vastly more interested party? A bunch of phone calls, a host of e-mails, a hundred instant messenger conversations and a trip to Europe later, they have the conversation. She backs away. He misses the confidence boost that came with her; she misses the affection. Then that horrendous phrase comes to play.\n"We should still be friends."\nForgive me for my brash delivery, but I say let it go. Cut it clean. My suggestion was a minimum of three months of no communication -- six months being better suited for his analytical nature.\nSome will say that cutting and running is a cowardly act. It just might be, but it's infinitely better than trying to relive the past. \nIt's wonderful to remember the past for all the good times and smiles, but it's a shame that you cannot recognize it as the past.\nMy friend isn't alone. I'm convinced you can't move forward without an overthrowing of the past. There is no growth without first removing yourself from the pain and all the emotions that adhere you to it. \nAre we so doubtful of finding love again that we hang onto the past with everything? I'm pretty cynical and even I don't believe that.\nIt hurts to throw out the past, but it hurts much worse to never get over those emotions. \nThere will be ghosts, when someone walks by you on the street or drops you an e-mail from Prague. There will always be ghosts, but recognize they're the past, not something meant for now. \nSo, ladies, if this column inspires you to cut it clean, I've got a friend for you. Drop me an e-mail.