'Constantine' gut-wrenchingly bad

"Constantine" is the story of supernatural detective John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) who serves as the ballast in a war between heaven and hell. Angels and demons are fighting for the souls of every human on Earth with one major rule: no direct contact, only influence. If they break this rule, Constantine destroys them with his arsenal of holy water, scarabs and golden bullets. Eventually, he lends his services to a police officer Angela Dodsen (Rachel Weisz) who is trying to solve the mysterious suicide of her twin sister. Together they uncover a conspiracy of biblical proportions (sorry, I couldn't resist). \n"Constantine" delivers everything that you would expect out of it: a dark storyline, lots of CG and some bad acting from Keanu Reeves. Of course you can't rate Keanu Reeves like you rate other actors, you have to put him on his own scale. I call this scale the Keanu Crapometer. The scale goes from one to ten, ten being "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" and one being "Johnny Mnemonic." And on the Keanu Crapometer his performance in this film rates about a five (let's call that "Speed" territory). He was bad, but not gut-wrenchingly so, which is an accomplishment for him. But you still have to wonder why people are still putting him in movies.\nThe writing is so-so, it has its share of crappy one liners ("This is Constantine. John Constantine. Asshole."), but it also has a couple good ones as well ("Who's the rabbit in the dress now, bitch?"). Actually, one of the biggest problems with this movie, aside from casting Keanu Reeves in the title role, was that they underused Constantine's sidekick Chas (played surprisingly well by Shia LaBeouf of 'Even Stevens'). LaBeouf was by far the best thing in this movie, and I am surprised they didn't put him in more scenes.\nHowever, like the movie or not, they certainly knew what they were doing with this DVD. It has tons of special features, and unlike most DVDs, it has tons of special features that are worth watching. It has director commentary, it has several featurettes on the making of the movie, and it even comes with a copy of the comic book on which the movie is based. If you liked this movie then there is absolutely no reason not to buy this DVD, if you didn't like the movie, convince one of you're more gullible friends to buy it so that you can at least read the comic book.