Stars, stripes and McGriddles

Congratulations, America! We're No. 1! As five-time winner of the World's Fattest Country award, we're officially a dynasty. Suck on that, France!\nUSA! USA! USA!\nAccepting this award on behalf of the country is Burger King's "Enormous Omelet Sandwich," a frightfully disgusting pile of eggs, meat, cheese and salt that weighs in at a mighty 730 calories and 47 grams of fat. Because there's no better way to start your day than with coronary failure. \nBut maybe I'm being too cynical. After all, something so delicious can't be all bad, right?\nWell, yes and no.\nHealth economist Roland Sturm and psychiatrist Kenneth Wells of the RAND Corporation have concluded that obesity has increased 60 percent between 1991 and 2000. The researchers claim that obesity is now a more serious problem than poverty, heavy drinking and even smoking because the obese spend "more on both (medical) services and medication than daily smokers and heavy drinkers." \nThe specific health risks of excessive gluttony are type-2 diabetes, heart disease and some types of cancer, yet most Americans would rather shove a pencil in their ear than eat right. I've always found it interesting that the vast majority of people working out at the gym on any given day are people who are already in pretty decent shape.\nAccording to a March 17 article in The Washington Post, illnesses directly related to obesity are having a greater impact on American health than "car accidents, homicides and suicides combined." \nLet me put all of this into perspective for you; I'll even do the math.\nToday 88.5 million Americans are obese, about one-third of the total population. If only one-third of those obese Americans die from obesity-related diseases, there will be 29.2 million XXL graves to dig.\nThe Indian Ocean tsunami killed 118,000. The Black Plague only killed 25 million.\nSave the HIV/AIDS pandemic, there is, and has never been, a greater threat to global health than obesity. And it's our own fault.\nOur own lethargy keeps us from exercising and eating right. Because we're too lazy to do anything but stuff our faces with fast food, we cross our fingers hoping that some magic pill will keep us thin. It's just not going to happen.\nResearch done by Dr. S. Jay Olshansky, of the University of Illinois-Chicago, published in the New England Journal of Medicine concluded that because of our otiosity, for the first time in 200 years, the average American lifespan will decrease.\nIn other words, in the last 20 years, the fast-food and snack-food industries have effectively wiped out two centuries of medical and social health improvements.\nOlshansky predicts that in 50 years time, the average American lifespan will be cut by two to five years, and this is a conservative estimate. The impact is likely to be much greater because the research focused exclusively on adults. \nBut there's an upside to all this. If Americans don't cut their fat intake, Social Security might not cut our benefits. That is, of course, if you live long enough. \n"The U.S. population may be inadvertently saving Social Security by becoming more obese," Olshansky wrote. \nIt's perhaps the most perfect example of irony: Though this generation might, for the first time, experience less healthy lives than our parents, our gluttony might be our saving grace.\nBy killing off more Americans at an earlier age than the Social Security Administration planned, the rise in obesity-related deaths means fewer people will draw benefits from the government.\nIt should go without saying that drastic changes need to be made in American eating habits, but then again, I want my Social Security check. So eat up, America. It's your patriotic duty!