Too much plot, not enough time

What happens when a musclebound action hero finds himself bound by circumstances to protect a house full of children in the land of suburbia? Who knows? But here's a better question: didn't Hulk Hogan already make this movie a few times a decade before Vin Diesel became "The Pacifier"? And wasn't Hogan a lot cooler?\nLack of legendary pro wrestlers aside, "The Pacifier" is a movie that falls just short of being entertaining enough to take the whole family to because of a few very important flaws. The biggest problem with this film is that it lacks a real target audience and then tries to do too much in too little time.\nAt the core of this movie's shortcomings is the idea that this is a family movie that will not appeal to entire families. The story has a setup that could do just that, but somehow success is lost in the film's execution. It all goes a little something like this: U.S. Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe (Diesel) is assigned to protect the five children of a late government computer scientist whose latest technological breakthrough is hidden somewhere inside their house.\nDespite the movie's agonizingly slow and dumbed-down start, this is a set-up that potentially has something for everybody. Younger children will enjoy the bodily humor and physical gags. Early adolescents who are stuck in the theater with their parents and younger siblings can relate to the onscreen teenage characters, who are trying to seek out their own identities (and pass driver's ed). Moms can fantasize about Diesel as his character makes romantic advances on the principal (Lauren Graham) at the children's school and dads will get a kick out of his special brand of Diesel-jitsu during the surprisingly good (though very scarce) fight scenes.\nIdeally, this would be a great movie. Sadly, there's way too much going on in this short 91 minutes to get any kind of depth or adequate gratification out of any of the film's sideplots, especially when the first half hour is wasted on a sorry excuse for an exposition.\nIt's great that there are five different stories going on during the movie, but it really is a shame that none of their climaxes are big enough to reflect the way they are built up through the movie. There's just not a sufficient payoff, not even after Wolfe teaches the local Girl Scouts kung fu to fight off rival scout troops or when Wolfe finally meets the crazed vice principal/wrestling coach (Brad Garrett of "Everybody Loves Raymond" fame) in one-on-one combat on the wrestling mats.\n"The Pacifier" really is a letdown, because the movie comes to a screeching halt just when it starts to look like fun. There is too much going on for any real development to take place, leaving anyone in the broad range of intended viewers dissatisfied. It's sad to think that an extra 20 minutes could have made this a worthwhile movie.