A tangled Web

I think I received the following e-mail by mistake. I'm not sure what to make of it.\nTo: The Grand High Council of the Illuminati\nFrom: Agent 237, Washington D.C. Branch\nSubject: Progress Report on Latest Efforts at World Domination\nMost Excellent Illuminated Ones,\nI am pleased to report that our latest undertaking is proceeding well, despite its accidental exposure Jan. 28 by C/Net www.news.com.. \nIn the U.S. Congress, the bipartisan Joint Committee on Taxation has suggested that the government consider imposing a three percent tax on "'all data communications services to end users,' including broadband; dial-up; fiber; cable modems; cellular; and DSL links." Thanks to our congressional operatives' diabolical genius, this tax on the Internet would be an extension of an over 100-year-old "luxury" tax on telephones, originally created to pay for the Spanish American War. Ha! At last, our vengeance for the loss of Guam!\nWhile you Illuminated Ones, of course, are all-knowing, please pardon my humble attempt to summarize the significance of this development. The U.S. economy is increasingly dependent on Internet access for its everyday activity. In fact, according to the 2004 United Nations Human Development Report, the America has the highest proportion of Internet users to population of any country in the world. If passed, this extension will put a tax on all Internet use. That means a tax on a cornerstone of the U.S. economy. That means a tax on a key element of what makes the U.S. economy, according to prestigious business school IMD International, the most productive in the world. \nWell, after Luxembourg -- but, as we all know, they're only first through our intervention. \nThus, we are achieving the initial step in our plan for Gradual Oppression through Advancing Taxes to Stagnate the Economy (GOATSE). \nHowever, a mere three percent tax on Internet use is not enough to bring down the largest national economy in the world. No, we must begin to consider what steps to take next. If I might make a few suggestions:\n1. A tax on all participants in chatroom flamewars. This source of revenue should be exceedingly easy to collect: one need only have agents go from room to room typing in "Bush administration," then sit back and let things take their course.\n2. A tax on all spam recipients REFUSING to have their mortgages refinanced, earn a degree from a prestigious non-accredited university, or have their penises enlarged by at least 50 percent.\n3. A tax on all Internet users not conversing in leetspeak, the dialect of online hacker-wannabes. Besides sewing general confusion, this will ensure the takeover of all Internet commerce by 13-year-old skater-punks and 30-something "Lord of the Rings" fanatics who live in their parents' basements. \nT|-|e n3t s|-|a11 b3 pwn3d!!!\n4. The establishment of unique, tax-free savings accounts. Available only if one transfers all one's material assets into Nigerian banks.\n5. A tax on all businesses WITHOUT Webcams in the bathrooms.\n6. A tax to make all advertising conform to Web page standards. Those who do not perish from epileptic seizures will spend all their time hitting monkeys for the chance to win an iPod.\n7. A tax on anyone refusing to join a LISTSERV that sends out a birthday announcement for each individual in the whole world.\n8. A tax on anyone reading www.idsnews.com (In leetspeak: teh I[)S i$ teh ghey).\nBy the time we have taxed the Internet-dependent American economy into submission, our army of laser-guided cyborg penguins will be amassed at their borders, waiting to strike. And you all know what happens next.\nOh yes, all their base are belong to us!