What would Darwin do?

In ancient Greece, Olympians frequently competed in the buff. This, as we all know, was because clothing hadn't been invented yet.\nBut last Friday, well after the advent of pants, the IU Men's cross country freshmen revived the tradition by running, sans clothing, up Fee Lane. Evidently, this is a yearly tradition to induct new freshmen.\nUnfortunately, these freshmen's streaking shenanigans caught the attention of the IU Police Department. Several officers responded to the scene and chased the frosh into the woods around the Bill Armstrong Stadium. A short time later, police had rounded up the whole crew. Eight participants received class A misdemeanors for indecent exposure.\nI can think of a number of disturbing elements to this story. One is the mental image of a bunch of guys wearing only jockstraps.\nAnd certainly, there are University anti-hazing regulations to consider, not to mention the situation's potential to mortify the elderly nuns who party at McNutt on weekends. But that's not what shocked me when I heard this story. \nNo, these runners have a much bigger problem than the law.\nI mean, is anyone else just a tad embarrassed they even got caught? What does it say about our cross-country program when the IUPD's officers can chase them down so easily? They had a head start!\nIt was my understanding that guns, handcuffs, night sticks and other police equipment are heavy. And in my experience, jockstraps are not. What the crap?\nBut maybe I was being too negative. So this season's crop of freshmen is a bit sluggish. No biggie. Try to find the silver lining in this cloud. \nSo I thought, "What would Darwin do?"\nObviously, he would cut all the freshman and replace them with the speedier police officers. \nBut just to be sure, I was tempted to find out for myself just how fast IU's finest really were. Clearly, the only way to do so was to dig up my running shoes, don my jockstrap and head on up to Fee Lane.\nFortunately, reason and repeated threats to my job prevailed. I will have to take their word for it.\nI wondered if any of the freshman runners in question were at all worried that their spots on the team might be in jeopardy. But when I gave them a call, nobody answered -- they must have been out training, so that's a yes.\nInstead, I decided to pitch my plan to head coach Robert Chapman. But despite my best efforts, he refused to comment, which is too bad, because I bet he would have been thrilled to hear about my awesome idea. So I did some of the legwork for him.\nI spoke to the IUPD officer Jennifer Buttice, who was involved in the chase, to see if she might be interested in trying out for the team. Evidently, while it's not mandated, the department encourages a high standard of physical fitness. Buttice said she exercises frequently to exceed the department's expectations. Clearly, she had been waiting for this opportunity.\nBut I was shocked when she turned down this golden opportunity flat. Furthermore, she said only IU students can participate in IU athletics. Who knew?\nOh, well. I'm sure the team will do fine this year. Maybe coach Chapman could even derive some new drills from Friday's incident. Why not make this a weekly tradition? What better motivator for a runner than having the police on your tail? As the season progresses, dogs could be involved. Just an idea.\nAnd to the freshmen in question, I hope you've all learned your lesson: Don't run from the IU cops -- I hear the Bloomington cops are much slower.