Super-duper pooper scoopers

The other day while channel surfing in my underwear, I came across an interesting segment dedicated to the dung beetle on the Discovery Channel. \nAccording to the program, the Larvae Dung beetle, commonly referred to by entomologists as L-D, is one of the most important insects on the face of the earth. Their job, or doody-duty so to speak, is to scavenge the earth looking for animal feces to bury in the soil. They spend their entire lives pushing these gigantic turds up and down hills looking for fertile spots in which to bury them. In fact, it was said that without them, all of America, across fields of grain and fruited plains from sea to shining sea, would be covered in a knee deep layer of rancid animal feces. Yikes! I was aghast. \nIt was after hearing this astonishing fact that I thought to myself, "These beetles keep animals from walking around in their own excrement, and what recognition do they get?" Absolutely none! No "Saving the Nation from Defecation" ribbons or "Poo-litzer Prizes" are awarded to these loyal pooper-scoopers as a token of appreciation. They are taken for granted by selfish and ungrateful animals, animals that recklessly leave their crap all over the place for others to deal with.\nAfter further analyzing such activity, I came to realize these little creatures are actually not so different from us big creatures. We humans, like insects, have a group of elite waste fighters working diligently without recognition and appreciation. There is a special group of unsung heroes that work day after day cleaning up the waste that we leave behind: IU custodians.\nIf it weren't for the custodians, our campus would be like a huge garbage heap. This is because a number of people on campus suffer from a vile case of "littering disorder," commonly referred to by me as having L-D. These are the disrespectful Neanderthals who carelessly toss their garbage out on the lawn.\nWhile walking back from my English class last week, I passed a guy seriously infected with L-D. He took his entire McDonald's bag filled with trash and just chucked it onto the ground. Instantly, I had the overwhelming urge to walk up to this trash-tossin' über idiot and give him a primo bitch-slap. However, being made up of a measly 134 pounds of scrawny meat and brittle bones, I decided to resist. This guy would have twisted me up into Slinky. So rather than picking a fight, I picked up the bag he discarded and threw it away in a trash can … less than 5 feet away.\nIt's unfortunate that some dolts on campus litter regularly, even more so that the litter is usually empty liquor bottles. However, just because these idiots may be trashed doesn't mean our campus has to be. Our faithful custodians make sure of that. The custodial staff does an excellent job cleaning the campus, keeping it practically immaculate. And although I realize that this is their job, I also realize there are responsibilities we as students can help fulfill.\nI would end with a message to those who actually litter, but I realize this would be completely pointless. If these people are stupid enough to litter, they are probably too stupid to know how to read as well. So I won't waste the ink. Instead, I beseech readers to show appreciation for our campus heroes and begin lending a hand. The next time you pass some random piece of garbage, help out a little and pick it up. It's something so small that can make a big difference. IU has one of the most beautiful campuses in the United States … let's keep it that way. Because come on, who wants a campus covered in smelly crap anyway?