O, brother, where art thou?

Let's take it back, y'all. Back to the days when R. Kelly wore leather vests and "Jodeci" boots -- a couple pelvic thrusts after the "Bump 'n Grind" days but several court dates before he started asking folks to "Step in the Name of Love." \nI'm talking about the days when "Down Low" was simply the name of a song that had everything to do with cheating and nothing to do with the closeted homosexuality of black men.\nIf you missed that episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show, let me explain. Brothers on the down low "sleep with both men and women, but do not admit they are homosexuals. Their sexual relationships with other men are never discussed or openly acknowledged, hence the term 'down-low'," according to www.globalblacknews.com. \nYou might have heard a little bit about the down-low culture if you were at Denny's two weekends ago. I was the curly-haired chick, eating a Meatlover's Skillet sitting with six sistas at a table for four. \nAs with all evenings that end without a rendezvous with Prince Charming, Mr. Right or the One -- table-talk turned to the topic of guys -- or the lack thereof on the IU campus. \nAt a university where African-American undergraduates made up only 3.8 percent of the student population in 2002, it seems black folks are few and far between. And unless a sister has no preference as to the ethnicity of her boo-to-be, the chances she'll find herself in the midst of a high concentration of eligible bachelors on-campus are slim. That is unless homegirl can sneak her way onto the football practice field. \nJust jokes. Moving on. \nTwenty years ago, 30 percent of African-American male high school graduates were college-bound, while only 28 percent of African-American females had enrolled. \nBut the tides have turned, according to the American Council on Education, black females have outrun their male counterparts. Black females are more likely to stay in school. And, more importantly, they're more likely to graduate.\nThe September 2004 cover of Essence magazine reads, "Campus Catfights: The Nasty Battle Over Men." Crack the mag open and you'll find that in 2000 nearly 1.1 million black women had enrolled in college while only 635,300 black men could say they had done the same.\nThat's almost a 2 to 1 ratio!\nBreak it down in sister theory and that means we have to work twice as hard to find ourselves a man. Wait, let me quantify that, we have to work twice as hard to find a heterosexual man who's actually working towards a degree. \nWith the down low situation making a splash in the dating pool, we'll not only have to battle other black chicks and fend off white girls (interracial dating has always taken some of the man-shortage blame), we're up against gay men, too!\nFoolishness.\nI have to agree with Wilandi Akil of Global Black News. The down low message does more harm than good because the media tends to link the down-low situation with the HIV situation, as if the two go hand-in-hand. \nInstead of encouraging homegirls to wrap it up, the media's warning me to monitor my potential boo-nopolis for these signs: too much time with the homeboys; slumber parties with the fellas; hugs that last over 3.4 seconds and frequent shopping sprees, trips to Myrtle Beach and late night dinners. \nDamn that.\nBesides, I've already found a man who cares about my wants and my needs. His name is Jeff and he's a waiter during the late-late night shift at Denny's. The way that man serves up a Meatlover's Skillet, I could care less who he's sleeping with.