Communication makes the man

The ability to communicate is the foundation of friendships. But difficulty always seems to exist in friendships between men and women purely because of the way they communicate. \nMen communicate by doing things together. They play sports together, they watch sports together, they drink together. Women communicate by talking about themselves, their families, their problems or whatever else they feel like they want to talk about.\nI've always been very good at forming friendships with women because I'm better at communicating with women than I am with men. I talk about things. I don't do things. My friends tease me and tell me I'm like a little old woman. They tease me because I'll drive 50 in a 55 in the left hand lane with my left turn signal on; because I clip coupons; because I go to bed at 9 p.m. And it probably doesn't help things much that I play Bingo every Wednesday night at the local Shrine Club -- and like it. \nThis form of communication simply comes more naturally to me. And because of this, I've never really had any positive friendships with men my own age. I don't think it's because they don't understand how to communicate on my level, but because they won't. And I think this inability to communicate is directly tied with how men view what masculine communication is, and in turn, what being a man is.\nI think my male contemporaries view the definition of manhood being very closely tied to watching sports, lifting weights and polishing off brewskies like Dom DeLouise does donuts. That just isn't being a man to me. Because I don't fit the typical male mold, most guys my age hesitate to build friendships with me.\nTo me, being a man is finding the courage to give others your strength even though it makes you weak. Being a man is being secure enough to help other people be secure in themselves while it weakens you. Being a man is understanding that you are a man because of who you are, not what you do. \nI first met Tom about a year ago. His 6'4, 200-pound frame makes you think John Wayne would quake in his 10-gallon hat. Tom works out five times a week, watches NASCAR religiously and never shies away from a beer or two at home. \nTom does things with other guys and communicates with other men really well, but he also knows how to step outside the box and communicate in a non-typical male way. He talks. He doesn't push me to work out because he knows it's not my thing, just the same way he knows I'm not interested at all in sports. When we hang out, it's usually by talking over a meal while we joke about how he misses his dog Kodi after his girlfriend took her when she moved out. Then we talk about how I blew another perfectly good first date the night before. Tom is the type of guy who is man enough to step outside his definition of manhood for the sake of helping others become more comfortable with their own. \nBeing a man is finding the courage to give others your strength even though it makes you weak. Being a man is being secure enough to help other people be secure in themselves while it weakens you. Being a man is understanding that you are a man because of who you are, not what you do. \nIn Tom's words, "Just because you don't communicate in a traditional male-bonding sort of way, doesn't mean you can't interact functionally with other males in society. Some people are willing to go outside the box and make a friendship work"