Gettin' Hitched

Getting married is a life-changing experience. You get a license; you have a wedding; and you're bound to the person you love for the length of your human life (sometimes). But I never realized, until now, just how complicated it is and how many rules there are. \nThe laws vary from state to state, as with anything, but with a little sniffing around, you can marry just about anyone your little heart desires. And getting married in Indiana has its own appeal.\nThe main attraction to getting hitched in the Hoosier state is the price. A marriage license costs only $18, significantly less than $42 in Nevada and a deal compared to $95 in Tennessee. But to cut Tennessee some slack, if you can get a marriage counselor to "approve" of the union, you can be eligible for a $60 discount. Nevertheless, if you get married in Indiana, you still have money left over for a post-nuptial hamburger. \nAnd since we're talking about the logistics side of getting married, if you're interested in marrying your cousin, the options aren't as limited as one might think. By cousin, of course, the standard understanding is first cousin, and you can marry your second cousin in all fifty states.\nI know the prevailing stereotype is that anything goes in Kentucky, but as with so many stereotypes, it simply isn't true. Flat out, you can't marry your cousin in Kentucky. You just can't. Kentucky is also pretty hard on out-of-state cousin-lovers: It doesn't recognize these marriages even if they were legally performed in another state.\nHere's where it gets interesting. If you live in southern Kentucky and you love your cousin, you can walk a mile and cross the line into northern Tennessee and get yourself hitched. In Tennessee, lineal relations may not marry, but since cousins are lateral relations, anything goes. Of course, when you go back home to Kentucky, your marriage is null, but if you're marrying your cousin, you're probably not thinking about that, now are you?\nThere was a recent stink in West Virginia over a T-shirt sold in Urban Outfitters stores nationwide. It had an outline of the state of West Virginia and featured the phrase "It's all relative in West Virginia." Is this true? Is it all relative?\nIt's true. But only to a certain extent. According to the magnificently informative Web site www.usmarriagelaws.com, some familial marriages are prohibited. The laws are similar to those in Tennessee but a bit more specific. "A marriage between an ancestor and or descendant; or between a brother and a sister; or between an uncle and a niece; or between an aunt and a nephew, is prohibited," the site explains. So it is relative, just not as relative as the T-shirt implied. \nBut if your amorous inclinations spread from your immediate family to the local prison, there are also state-to-state regulations for marrying a prisoner. The picky details vary from institution to institution, but in most cases, it is possible. \nIt's best to contact the prison's family visiting coordinator, who is responsible for facilitating the whole shebang. The FVC will then provide you with a list of local pastors who have the security clearance to perform a ceremony in the institution. The site also offered this advice: "You will need a witness, so bring a guest who is on your fiancé's approved visitor list. Or you can use one of the inmates who works in the visiting area."\nApparently, the U.S. makes it easy for prisoners, as opposed to Ireland, where Jonathan Ayton, a prisoner of Castlerea Prison, had to bust out of jail and run off to South America to be with the one he loves. Just a little more proof that in the United States, it's love that really matters, but in Ireland, it's the rules.\nBut if you want to marry your incarcerated cousin, no matter the state or country, I think you're pretty much out of luck.