Debunking campus myths

It's that time of year again. Fresh-faced freshmen and their families are pouring onto campus from every corner of the globe: from South Bend to Evansville, from Indianapolis to Terre Haute. Perhaps even West Lafayette. \nOrientation is underway. And, as Melanie Payne, Associate Director of Orientation Programs, explained to the IDS, "We have to carefully select the messages we send to each year's freshmen" (Monday). \nThus, I have taken it upon myself to aid in this process by dispelling some common myths about life here at IU. Hopefully, I can help our new arrivals feel less confused, less overwhelmed and better able to adapt to the life ahead of them.\nMyth #1: IU's official colors are red and white.\nFact: IU's official colors are actually crimson and cream (as of January 2002). What are crimson and cream, you ask? Well, OK, they're sort of red and white. But the important thing is the "cr," which comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "kerr," meaning "intellectual rigor," or "sheep's bladder," depending on the intonation.\nMyth #2: IU was founded by Herman B Wells.\nFact: While Herman Wells is much revered here, he was actually the 11th president of IU (from 1938 to 1962). The process toward the University's creation was set in motion in 1816, and the campus became "Indiana University" in 1838. But Herman's impact cannot be underestimated. People liked him so much, in fact, that they had him bronzed and placed on a bench in the Old Crescent. Judging by the look on his face, he never saw it coming.\nMyth #3: A female student isn't officially a co-ed until she is kissed at midnight in the Rose Well House (also known as "that-stone-gazebo-thing-across-from-bronzed-Herman").\nFact: A physics student isn't officially a physicist until they are kissed at midnight in the Rose Well House. IU hasn't graduated a physicist since 1912.\nMyth #4: IU has a football team.\nFact: This is a very common mistake and, to date, many don't know the truth behind this myth. The fact is that IU has a foosball team, not a football team. Foosball, or table soccer, has been a phenomenon at IU since the mid-1960s, when the first tables were imported from Germany. IU has produced many foosball champions, including members of the U.S. exhibition team for the 1976 Winter Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria. The misunderstanding arises because every fall, for a laugh, the IU foosball team dons football uniforms and gets beaten mercilessly by the full-time football teams of the other Big Ten schools. Go see a "game" or two: They're a hoot.\nMyth #5: IDS columnists are hired for their writing talent and interest in current events.\nFact: This is only partly true. IDS columnists are hired for their writing talent, interest in current events and superhuman sexual prowess. This explains our exorbitant salaries of $8 per column.\nMyth #6: The "Little 500" is a bicycle race in late April.\nFact: The "Little 500" is a keg party that begins mid-January and ends sometime around May.\nMyth #7: This year, incoming students will have to pay a one-time, $30 athletics fee because the athletics department budget has been mismanaged.\nFact: Totally false. The athletics department budget has not been mismanaged. Sure, it faces an annual $2 million deficit and is $5 million in debt -- but if you were holding a hand with four Jacks, you'd have bet it all too. I mean, what were the odds?\nI hope you find this information helpful for the years ahead. By the way, watch out for the Main Library; I hear it's sinking.