Dream a little dream

I've been waiting for this day for a long time. This Saturday is the NFL Draft and all my hopes and dreams will finally be realized.\nI know a lot people were against me leaving early and entering the draft only after my junior season, but I didn't have much of a choice. Coach DiNardo and I didn't really see eye to eye. He told me he didn't have any room on the roster for a 5-foot-5, 127-pound linebacker. Can you believe it? A team that allowed nearly 200 yards rushing per game finds my services unnecessary. \nSo, I consulted my agent, Bob Sacamano, and asked him what my options were. He gave me a call and said there was an opening in the new Trix commercial. "I'm chasing running backs, not rabbits," I told him. Unfortunately, my agent's skills are limited to casting for cereal commercials, so I fired him. The NFL Scouting Combine was coming up, and I had to get in football shape to wow the pro scouts and general managers. \nMy regiment was simple. I would wake up at about noon, take two Flintstone chewable vitamins, skip breakfast, go to the gym to get a smoothie, come home and take a nap.\nUnfortunately, my invitation to participate in the combine never came. Luckily, the combine was in Indianapolis and, better yet, the Indiana Convention Center (a building I had already broken into for last year's Plainfield High School prom). \nThe combine itself was exhausting: a 40-yard dash, bench press, vertical jump, broad jump, 20-yard shuttle, three-cone drill, 60-yard shuttle, team interviews, the Wonderlic test, measurements, the Cybex test, injury evaluation and a urine test. \nI ran a 5.7 second 40-yard dash, benched 95 pounds and had a seven-inch vertical. After such a poor showing, I decided to skip the rest of the physical activities and go right to the team interviews. Teams are only allowed to talk to 60 players each, so I knew getting an interview would be a tough task. \nIn what must have been a complete paper gaffe, I was told the Houston Texans wanted to set up a meeting with me. I guess Dom Capers needs a speedy LB in his 3-4 scheme. I walked into Texans GM Charlie Casserley's room and he said, "Sorry kid, no autographs." \n"No, Mr. Casserley, I'm Matt Glenesk from Indiana. You set up an interview with me." \n"For what, a valet?" Casserley responded. "Sorry kid, there's been some type of mixup. Here's a hat and T-shirt, now get out of here."\nEh, I never liked Houston, but I did take the free stuff. I had to make my way back to the combine in time for the Wonderlic test. The test, which is used to measure a player's mental aptitude, was a joke. I pretty much aced the thing (I hope the LSATs are this easy). After the Wonderlic, I was told to strip down to my underwear and get on the scale for my measurements. So there I was, standing all alone in this cold room with only my leopard print Speedo on and a large contingent of guys staring at me. \n"Oh geez, I can see the kid's bones," one scout remarked. \n"Mr. Glenesk weighs in at a lofty 124 pounds," the guy operating the scale announced.\nOne scout screamed from the gallery, "Hey kid, try being a jockey."\nWell, after such embarrassment, I was too distraught to take my urine test, so I left early. \nI left the combine feeling my draft prospects were slim to none. \nBut still determined to reach my dream of playing in the NFL, I sent a tape of my intramural flag football games. In the highlight package, I included my game-winning interception return for a touchdown, as well as numerous tackles for losses. I still haven't received any calls from teams yet, but maybe they're just keeping their cards close to their chests -- not wanting to let other teams know their interest in me. \nWhile the rest of the campus will be in a drunken stupor this weekend celebrating Little 500, I'll be glued to the television set and waiting by the phone, hoping and praying Gene Washington steps up to the podium and says, "With the 197th pick of the 2004 NFL Draft, the Pittsburgh Steelers select, Cakes!"