Mother Nature, may we?

As faithful readers know, few institutions are safe from the critical eye of the IDS editorial board: IU administrators, the state entomologist, the federal government, society as a whole -- we've attacked them all. But today, we're taking on a foe so powerful, so ubiquitous, it has never been battled in the media world. We're going to have a little talk with Mother Nature. \nWe're rather upset about the bouts of frigidity we've been experiencing so late in the month of March. Spring break? What a misnomer. The week off may qualify the "break" part of the deal, but "spring?" This region has fallen into anything but that. \n According to www.weather.com, 41 degrees will be the high temperature in Bloomington today. It was a chilling 38 degrees Sunday. Pardon us, Ms. Nature, but this is not the kind of weather that makes the birds sing and romances blossom. This is the kind of weather that makes weary students climb back into bed and grieve the curse you've put on the Midwest. \nWe're not sure where you were last Saturday, but it happened to be the vernal equinox -- the "official" commencement of spring in the Northern Hemisphere. The equinox marks the day we experience exactly 12 hours of glorious sunlight (though, according to www.nationalgeographic.com, the exact date this occurs varies according to your location on earth). From now until the summer solstice, it only gets better -- the sun will continue to travel higher and higher into the sky, which will bless us with long days and warm possibilities. \nLike it or not, Mother Nature, this means the spring thaw is inevitable. You can use your wind patterns and low pressure systems to mess with us for the time being, but eventually you'll simply have to concede to Sister Astronomy. So why don't you just give up now? Give us some conditions we can live with. Why not "unseasonably warm" or "pleasantly balmy?" It's not like we don't deserve it. We waited so patiently through the winter. We barely even complained when you ravaged our East Coast with Hurricane Isabel last fall. And we recycle!\nEven if you don't buy our assertion that it's time for a climate change, you can at least take corporate America's word for it. Old Navy has sundresses on sale for under $20. J. Crew has our "essentials for spring-into-summer." Even Pottery Barn is pushing the pastel table settings and the season's "textural seagrass." All signs point to suntans and sandals. All we need is your executive approval.\nNot to threaten you, Mother, but I'm afraid we must stand firm on this issue. Yours is not the only planet in the solar system, you know, and we do boast a national leader who isn't shy about shopping for others. \nWe know Mama will do what's best.