Lessons from Mom

I went home for spring break. Needless to say, I feel fairly out of the college loop -- so much so that it didn't even bother me when people on the bus started yapping about how "totally wasted" and "plastered" they were. After a week off, I sort of missed it. \nSince I'm lacking any terrific, wild spring break stories of my own, I thought I'd share some from others:\nA friend in Panama was arrested for underage possession. When the cop asked to see her ID, she realized -- alas -- she needed two hands to get it out of her purse, and one hand was occupied by her cup. What else could she do but ask the officer to hold her beer for her? In the ticket mailed to her, the officer described the evidence as "a golden liquid with foam on top (beer)," and noted the evidence had been destroyed at the scene. Apparently, spring break is an opportunity for crafty policemen to score a few free, albeit used, drinks. \nA lap dance, some crafty tongue work with whipped cream, and a few minutes later, a friend in Daytona was crowned "Miss Spring Break." Unfortunately, other than five minutes of fame, there was no prize to be had. Hell, I spent seven days in the snow in New Jersey and at least managed to come back with a Bacardi shirt. \nYes, I spent most of spring break with family, friends and the town of Pennington, N.J. -- with a population a little over 7,000. Though it was a tame break, I did manage to find some new information that could be of use (though I make no promises) to college students. So here is what's hot among the 40 and over female population (read it and reconnect with your mother):\n1. American Idol 4, 5 or 6 (I lost count). No joke -- my mother, my town, everyone loves it. Mom was shocked (and embarrassed) when I had no knowledge of the recent contestants. Needless to say, I had to watch with her last Wednesday night -- until she fell asleep after the first three singers, then I was free to go.\n2. Martha Stewart wannabes. Everyone has their own favorite. My own: Kathy Hilton. Just imagine the possibilities: "Today, I'll show you how to take your daughter's homemade porn tape and turn it into a lovely trivet." If you really want a laugh, turn on the Style network. I thought I was watching a Saturday Night Live skit, a funny one at that, but as it turns out, it's real and it's called "The Brini Maxwell Show." (Apparently that wasn't Cheri Oteri in a bad wig and lighter fluid really does get smudges out of linoleum.)\n3. Hand towels, and other purposeful/decorative house accessories. When my mother and a friend recently talked for over half an hour on the subject of hand towels, I looked to my friend who was riding in the car with us and said, "If I ever start up a conversation about hand towels, shoot me." She laughed. I wasn't kidding. \nThe point of it all? Many people complain about college students, and 20-somethings in general, being apathetic -- not voting, uninterested in politics, the community or anything else besides themselves. But in my week with the non-college population, I heard discussions ranging from hand towels and golf matches to trouble at work and the AIDS epidemic. No, wait -- that last one was in a "West Wing" rerun. \nFace it: In daily conversation, everyone's apathetic to pressing issues and college students are more interesting, or at least more amusing. So revel in the spring break stories now, because hand towels and Clay Aiken wannabes may only be a few years away.