It's all Java to me

When I registered for spring semester classes my junior year, I thought it would be a good idea to take a computer programming course. My older sister told me on several occasions she would have majored in computer science if she could do it all over again. I thought she knew what she was talking about. If taking an introductory computer programming class doesn't sound wholly unreasonable to you, please take a moment to look at my byline where it tells you what my majors are. Go ahead, I'll wait. That's right -- English and history. \nEnglish and history, you won't be surprised to learn, make excellent bedfellows. If you don't believe me, the fiction section at Borders flows almost imperceptibly into the history section. They were made for each other. Now let us consider the spatial relationship of those two subjects vis-à-vis the location of the computer-related books at Borders. They're on complete opposite sides of the store. They couldn't possibly be any farther away from each other and still be in the same building. This should give you an idea of my experience in A201, Introduction to Programming.\nThe first week was harmless enough. The lecture notes were available online and included helpful tidbits such as, "Computers can do lots of things." Hmm, this doesn't seem too bad. Maybe this course won't be so tough after all. Flash forward two (only two!) weeks into our in-class lab assignment -- "Write a program that calculates the trigonometric functions sine and cosine of any angle expressed in sexagesimal degrees." Goo? Flubba? Let's try to break that sentence down into parts and see what I understand. I know what "write" means. Anything else? \nNope. \nGreat! I looked around at my classmates, all of who wrote code so fast it was as if they could calculate sines and cosines in their heads. Who needs a computer? Suffice it to say, I was the only English major in the group.\nBefore the semester started, I told myself I wasn't going to drop the class, no matter how difficult it was for me to understand. I'm not sure why I made this pact with myself. I would say "pride," but this was computer programming, not Mount Everest. The instructors and other people in the class were very helpful, but I think they grew tired of me using the line, "Hey, can we compare answers on this lab? Cool, that's what I put, too! How about the next one?" \nIt was probably the words of my sister echoing in my head that kept me going, telling me my resume needs to have a bullet point saying that I was at least on a nodding acquaintance with the computer science department.\nThrough much begging, borrowing and cajoling, I managed to earn a B in the class, and I couldn't have been more proud of myself. English and computer programming might be the least two compatible subjects on a college campus, but a college campus is a universe unto itself. Where else but at college can you get drunk for 85 cents on a weeknight? \nIn the real world, the two can co-exist. Which section is located halfway in between fiction and computer science at Borders? Science fiction. This class gave me a greater appreciation of the computer science discipline. I won't lie. I despised the class, which is why I'm so grateful it actually makes sense to some people and I don't have to worry about it. Without computer programmers, I would be writing this column on a typewriter and I'd have to figure out sines and cosines with (gasp!) a pencil and paper. Am I glad I tried something different? Definitely. Would I do it again? Of course not.\nSystem.out.print ("The end").