Seinfeld visits IU Auditorium for 2 performances; hilarity ensues

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld performed two shows at the IU auditorium on Saturday, trying to answer the question, "What the hell is going on?"\nThe Homecoming event received a considerable turnout, as the nearly 3,700 seats available for the 7 p.m. show sold out right away -- with tickets selling for as much as $77. The 9:30 p.m. show still had tickets available.\nSeinfeld made his stop at IU as part of a nationwide comedy tour in celebration of the release of "Comedian," a documentary on the trials and triumphs of returning to the live stage after nearly 10 years on NBC's sitcom "Seinfeld." \nSeinfeld touched on a variety of topics, from news coverage to marketing strategies for cereal companies.\nAs always, Seinfeld's observational stand-up talked about the everyday things in life, such as people's obsession with coffee.\n"I know people who are stopping for coffee on the way to Starbucks," he said. "Or 'Fourbucks' as my friend likes to call it."\nSeinfeld also talked about relationships, a topic which has given him years worth of material.\n"To me, living with a woman who wants to get married is like living with a murderer in the house," he said.\nIronically, Seinfeld's discussion of relationships has changed in the past few years. Even though his character on "Seinfeld" was afraid of commitment, Seinfeld took the plunge and married Jessica Sklar four years ago at the age of 45. A majority of his act focused on how married life has been for him. He gave his own advice to the audience telling them to plan small weddings rather than elaborate events.\n"Nobody wants to go to your wedding," he said. "They get the invitation and say, 'Oh Jesus ... it's on a Saturday.'"\nSeinfeld also talked about his two children -- his two-year-old daughter Sascha and six-month-old son Julian. He said he felt bad giving his son a pacifier but joked that all the breasts are going to be fake in the future anyways.\nSeinfeld also touched on some recent issues such as the war in Iraq. He said America is the only country that would drop bombs and then food on a country.\n"It's not going to be all bombs," he said. "We're going to mix it up -- a war tossed salad."\nReality television was another source of commentary for Seinfeld as he poked fun at the numerous shows on the air, such as Bravo's makeover series "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."\n"I'm going to come out with a show called 'Jewboy Investments for the Gentile Man,'" he said.\nHis opening act was Barry Marder, a writer on "Seinfeld." Marder referred to himself as an "appetizer," before Seinfeld's act.\nMarder talked about his weight, his ability with women and his opinions on death.\n"I want to die in my sleep like my grandpa," he said. "Not yelling and screaming like the people in his car."\nSome audience members thought Seinfeld wasn't what they expected. Freshman Lindsay Cole said he was different than he was on TV, but enjoyed him nonetheless.\n"It was excellent," she said. "I thought he hit on a lot of current topics."\n-- Contact Campus editor Adam Aasen at aaasen@indiana.edu.