'Italian Job' in need of tune-up

"The Italian Job" serves as yet another example in the longstanding trend of Hollywood bastardizing foreign films of merit. The 1969 original is a national treasure in its native England. This Americanization is more akin to a McDonald's hamburger. Sure, it goes down easily enough, but there's very little substance or nourishment contained within, and in all likelihood, you'll feel bad for having consumed it.\nMark Wahlberg fails to fill the shoes of Michael Caine in the role of Charlie Croker, a cock-sure, young thief on the brink of spearheading his own crew. Accom-panying Croker on his latest heist are snarky second-in-command, Steve Frezelli (Edward Norton), geeky techno whiz, Lyle (Seth Green), half-deaf demolitions expert, Left-Ear (Mos Def), suave ladies/wheelman, Handsome Rob (Jason Statham) and the paternal, ringleader retiree, John Bridger (Donald Sutherland). Their mark: $35 million in gold bricks from a safe housed in a building bordering stretches of scenic Venetian canals (hence the title). \nThe job goes off without a hitch. That is, until Frezelli gets greedy, pulls a gun, offs Bridger and leaves the rest of his accomplices for dead. Flash-forward one year, Croker reassembles the team and enlists the services of Bridger's safecracker daughter, Stella (a comely Charlize Theron), to exact revenge against Frezelli.\nIt would seem I've given a lot away. But as all of this information is clearly gleaned through the trailers and television commercials we've been bombarded by in recent months. Such treachery is not only obvious -- it's tiresome. And that's one of the film's greatest downfalls, if you've seen the commercials you've essentially seen the movie itself. \nThe other huge snag is Wahlberg's turn as leading man. When given the right material (i.e. "Boogie Nights," "Three Kings" and the unabashedly stupid "The Big Hit"), he is perfectly capable of being a captivating or at the very least entertaining onscreen presence. Here, he is a blank slate -- void of the charisma necessary to bed Theron's character nor the brains to mastermind a 7-Eleven stick-up let alone an elaborate sting. He seems to have channeled the acting chops of his "Boogie Nights" alter ego Dirk Diggler for the role of Croker, and the results are not only embarrassing, they're abysmal. Norton doesn't fare much better. He understandably half-asses his little screen time, as he was forced into the picture through contractual servitude. An actor of Norton's class shouldn't be subjected to this, nor should audiences.\nDespite major flaws, "The Italian Job" is not without its strengths. Green, Def and Statham make for a charming trio of foils. The three are so winning in fact that one wishes the movie were centered around them rather than the artist formerly known as Marky Mark. Theron manages to be both sexy and flinty in a rather thankless role. The car chases featuring the oft-advertised Mini Coopers (the only real correlation between this and the original) are slick, but do little to reinvent a genre staple. Lastly, the opening credits exude a collected cool that the rest of the film can only dream of mustering. Luckily, "The Italian Job" unfurls quickly as an exercise in mindless, soulless, commercialized, fast food cinema. It's not a bad film per se, just a thoroughly mediocre one.