We'll Always be Together

Class of 2003: Don't worry about leaving your friends because they're all coming with you. You're who you are today because of them and your experiences at IU. They're a part of you and will be forever. Realize just how much you're packing into those boxes:\nWe rolled up to bars buzzed, practicing the information on our fake ID together. We ate at Jared's actual Subway and spoke of the place as if it were the Holy Land. We cursed upon realizing we paid $100 for a textbook we never opened. And after we sold it back to T.I.S. for three bucks, we all laid face down in the Jordan River.\nWe wondered if our neighbor was looking at our screen in the computer lab (yep, I was). We looked on in horror as students on treadmills in the SRSC talked on their cell phones. We were introduced to the notion of a townie. And we were treated to a townie-in-the-making in Dane Fife, as he has utterly refused to vacate Bloomington.\nWe cringed at the sight of our call logs the morning after a night of getting wasted. \nWe fantasized about pulling parking ticket officers' undersized shorts over their heads and backing our cars over their bicycles. We had to be restrained in Gresham Food Court when the cashier told us our total. And we had to purchase curb-feelers for our asses once we discovered our meal points were accepted at McDonald's.\nWe boycotted class in favor of The Winery, Frisbee-golf and watching four consecutive episodes of "Seinfeld" (Giddy up!). We've all held our friend's hair as she hurled (either from too much vodka or in accordance with her spring break regimen). And we rioted when our General was canned. \nWe made sure never to walk through Collins late at night without a buddy. We charged everything we could to the bursar (Thanks for my morning massages, Dad!). We used a bike race as an excuse to binge drink for a week straight. And we wished the riders' spandex shorts would leave more to the imagination.\nWe switched our major because we hated it; only to find out we hated our new major just as much. We sat in class about to keel over from a hangover, hoping for that goofy cell phone ring to cease and fearing the stamps on our wrists would make people think we hadn't showered. \nWe scratched our heads at how there could be so many beautiful women concentrated in one area. We motioned for the 15 people in the stands of Memorial Stadium to come join us at the tailgate. And we became hysterical when the University started harassing us daily for donations (Here, take my credit cards, my trousers, my belt, just please leave me alone! You make me like this! Ahhhh!).\nWe've insisted that the statement "I'm gonna go out and just have a beer" be dropped from the English language. After IU was deemed the No. 1 party school in the nation, some of us even became porn stars. And we all giggled as this prompted administrators to stumble out of bars and lower their heads into the steam pan of the nearest hotdog cart.\nOur memories and our friends are imbedded within us for eternity. They've shaped us. And we will never, ever be apart. \nWell, after 800 references to "The Real World," my hero Dave Thomas and my badly aging Subaru, that about wraps it up for me here at the IDS. Thank you to all of my readers. I tried to give the two of you something light to read while your teacher was babbling and fumbling with technology. I had a blast and I wish everyone nothing but the best. And remember … you're all coming with me.