Dad looks like a lady

The boy calls him dad, but the judge doesn't seem to want to call him a father. Wednesday, the Chicago Sun-Times reported on Cook County Judge Gerald Bender's ruling that transgendered father hopeful "Sterling" is unable to maintain custody of his son (the last names were omitted from the news report for the sake of the boy's privacy).\nSterling, who was born a woman, was married to his present ex-wife while posing as a man. After she found out Sterling's secret, the couple remained married for thirteen years. However, as can happen in any relationship, the couple divorced, and Sterling now hopes to retain partial custody of his child (born through artificial insemination).\n No one in the case is denying that Sterling is a fit father. In fact, no one is even denying that he cannot maintain custody solely because he is transgendered. The problem lies in the letter of a law that is today simply an anachronism. \nThe judge chose to rule against custody and merely for visitation rights because to allow custody would in essence result in the judge's recognition of the couple's marriage, and by Illinois law, gay marriage is illegal. \nAt first glance, the case seems a complete injustice -- the judge refused custody simply because of his gender bias. But to approach the case from that stance will get nothing accomplished. The deeper villain here is the outdated notion that gay marriages should not be recognized by the state. Bender even told the Sun-Times that he felt Sterling and the boy had a positive relationship, but that he was prohibited from judging differently as he is under the binds of the law, which is a legislator's jurisdiction.\n"This is not to say that there cannot be same sex relationships that may be more stable than those of married couples, but it is up to the Legislature and not this court to enact the law," Bender said.\nThe case before Judge Bender would have been a relatively common one, had he been able to render his judgment along the same legal guidelines under which he oversees most custody battles. \nInterestingly enough, gay couples can legally adopt children in Illinois. This brings to light the even greater need to abolish restrictions on gay marriages in this day and age. Allowing gay couples to adopt but not marry seems a direct slap in the face to the gay community. It sends the signal that we recognize their ability to live as fitting parents for a child, but simply refuse to let them into the "marriage" club, suggesting that to marry requires some far greater moral standard than being able to be mothers or fathers. \nWe have moved beyond our puritanical roots that have closed the nation's minds to the idea of gay unions. When our culture attempts daily to grow and embrace the gay community, but our laws continually deny that community their personal rights, our words of acceptance appear to be cold and empty gestures. Even after awareness is being promoted with growing success, demonstrated in such events as the National Day of Silence, it becomes abundantly clear that America wants to appear accepting, but has not yet made itself ready. \n-- JP Benitez for the Editorial Board