Talking dirty in French

Serena Williams, after her victory in the Nasdaq-100 tennis tournament, was asked for her thoughts on Americans' anti-French sentiments regarding the war in Iraq.\nWilliams, apparently channeling the spirit of Pepe Le Pew, gave her answer in a false French accent:\n"Well, we don't want to play in the war. We want to make clothes. We don't want the war."\nAfter her verbal darts at the French, Williams talked about her own anti-war feelings, but the impression had already been made -- famous tennis players are the latest in a line of American people that are making fun of the French like kids make fun of the little sensitive boy in fifth-grade gym class.\nAmerica's grandfather Andy Rooney wrote a column on CBS News' Web site regarding Frenchlings. Rooney, a WWII Normandy veteran, said the French have a history of surrender and don't appreciate the service the Allies did in liberating their country.\n"You can't beat the French when it comes to food, fashion, wine or perfume, but they lost their license to have an opinion on world affairs years ago … The French lost WWII to the Germans in about 20 minutes. Along with the British, we got into the war and had about 150,000 guys killed getting their country back for them. "\nRooney called the French fashion-conscious pansies in February. Williams made her comments about couture just two days ago. Apparently, word of French fashion spreads quickly.\nTo the average non-famous American, French fashion and perfume, and even French surrender don't first come to mind when thinking of a certain western European nation. To most red-blooded steak-eating citizens of the U.S.A., the French are only good for their food -- or at least what is perceived to be French food. \nThis, however, is quickly changing.\nIn cafeterias across the country, a patriotic rebirth is occurring. Short-order cooks are abandoning French fries and French toast for freedom fries and freedom toast. At the rate anti-France-ism is spreading, Joe Grace might not get his first french kiss. Instead, he and that lucky girl might share an "Uncle Sam Tounge Jam."\nI think I also heard that the government is imposing a tariff on French people coming into this country.\nThe French, the proud perfume and beret-wearing people that they are, are not taking these insults the same way they took the German army. They are standing up to the presumptuous American media machine.\nThey are going to create their own. \nFrench president Jacques Chirac has demanded that the French Parliament commission a national news station in the same mold of The British Broadcasting Corporation and CNN. Chirac said he is tired of the "Anglophone" coverage that American and British news sources provide, and there needs to be a French "world view" during this time of international change.\nChirac is tired of the English-speakers' world dominance. In Napoleonic fashion, it is rumored that the first commercials for the "French CNN" will feature wide-eyed young children from Iraq and other countries holding doves while saying, "I am Jacques Chirac."\nThe first reporters for the "French BBC" will be the French reporters that were at Serena Williams' press conference at the Nasdaq-100. The reporters will be rewarded for calling Williams "maladroit," which is French for tactless.\nMaybe we Americans can learn something from the French. Look at their word for tactless -- like all things French, it's pretty, and rolls off the tounge. Maladroit: Mahl-a-Dwah ...