Bowl trailers not so super

Obviously, Super Bowl Sunday has become less and less about the game at hand, and more about the commercials debuting (long live Terry Tate, Office Linebacker!). For film geeks such as myself, summer movie trailers are the real draw of these proceedings. But much to the chagrin of my dorky brethren and I, most of these interstitials blew worse than an extra in one of R. Kelly's home videos.\nA prime example of this disheartening trend was the preview for Ang Lee's silver screen translation of "The Hulk." I've dug much of Lee's previous work. "Sense and Sensibility" was artsy fartsy, but in a good way. "The Ice Storm" was an ironic slice of dysfunctional '70s era suburbia and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" was the personification of kung fu cool.\nSo, this begs the question: What happened to this heap? \nThe Hulk looks like Shrek with a bad case of roid rage, black hair plugs and a pair of purple pants. Other than the presence of Jennifer Connelly, the best I can say for the trailer is that Nick Nolte looked a spot better than he did in his recent mug shot.\nMy next target of ridicule is "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines." It's bad enough that James Cameron's been supplanted by Jonathan Mostow (i.e. the hack who helmed the lame Bon Jovi submarine epic, "U571"). But this trailer had a strike against it before a single frame even rolled, due to Arnold Schwarzenneger's immensely lame schilling during pre-game. I know full well that Warren Sapp's a bad dude. I don't need this reiterated via Arnold's broken English. "Ah yes, Wawwen Saaap, he's a T-99 (Sapp's number for those not in the know) Tuhminator. Vewy deadly." \nGive me a break. This obnoxious little publicity ploy was worse for his career than "End of Days," "The 6th Day" and "Collateral Damage" combined. He was deserving of the thrashing Jimmy Kimmel gave him on the debut of his talk show. Worse yet, the trailer showed nothing aside from some goldilocked Norwegian Terminator-bimbo jumping into traffic alongside the utterance, "She'll be back." Whoa, I'm super scared. Unless this broad's going through some sort of robotic menstruation, there's little to fear.\nOther spots failed to impress. High concept comedies "Anger Management" (with Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler) and "Bruce Almighty" (starring Jim Carrey as God), while funny in concept and boasting amusing theatrical trailers were left adrift with neutered promos. The "Bad Boys II" spot failed to implement its strongest selling point: the presence of muscled punk rocker/comedian, Henry Rollins. Bruce Willis' actioneer "Tears of the Sun" actually had a cool trailer, but alas, the title sucks. Based on the moniker alone, one would think this was some sort of pansy chick flick, not a "Die Hard"-esque shoot-'em up. Sadly, one of the best promos was that of "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle," but perhaps that's just the lure of seeing Cameron Diaz and Co. dance about in their underoos again. \n"The Matrix" spots were without a doubt the highlight of the evening. Hand to God, I almost pissed myself in sheer awe at least three times within that minute. This, as many overzealous media critics have ballyhooed, will be the year of "The Matrix." Between "The Matrix Reloaded," "The Matrix Revolutions," "Animatrix" (an anime DVD extension to the trilogy) and the multi-platform "Enter the Matrix" video game, we'll have all taken the red pill. The fighting, flying, gunning and driving all look to be natural and immensely cool extensions of the original flick, which is a whole lot more than anyone can say for the rest of this sequelized retread cinema.\nOne final rant: why show a trailer for "Daredevil" now? Sure, the movie looks sweet, but it's opening in a week. The purpose of these ads is to build hype over a prolonged period of time. Why not show a spot for "X2," the eagerly anticipated sequel to "X-Men?" Or better yet, in accordance with the pirate themed Super Bowl, why didn't Disney prance out a promo for its ill-advised "Pirates of the Caribbean" flick? That movie's likely to need all the help it can get.\nIn summation, most of these films will likely both suck and blow. But remember, you can't always judge a flick by its trailer, and besides, I'm a blithering idiot with far too much time and column space on his hands.