The great nuclear barbecue

The wars on many different types of terror are making me feel like I am living in a real-life version of the game "Risk." Al Qaeda is growing yet another ugly head, the U.S. is playing international hall monitor with Iraq, and North Korea just decided they didn't want to play anymore, packed up their pieces, and left.\nWe are living in an era of backyard diplomacy. \n"Our backyard, our diplomatic wishes," said the United States to all of its guests at the 50th annual international nuclear barbecue. "We have the ball, and if you want to play, you follow our rules!"\n"I agree wholeheartedly!" said Tony Blair, speaking on Britain's behalf.\n"Our backyard is just as big as yours," said China. "We can throw a better party than you can!"\n"Yeah, but you don't play fair and you're a big bully!" said impudent little Taiwan.\nIsrael later walked in the party with a trenchcoat on.\n"What have you got there?" said the U.S. as it spied the rocket booster hanging out of the bottom of the coat.\n"Oh, nothing," Israel said. "Buzz Lightyear lent us his spaceship so we wouldn't be late."\nThe U.S. winked and nodded as the other countries slapped their foreheads.\nRussia sat silently in the corner, drinking punch. Meanwhile, Russia's estranged relatives (Ukraine, Kazakhstan, etc.) sat and laughed about the parting gifts Russia gave them a few years back.\nThey were returned.\n"What in the world were we gonna do with 5000 warheads?" said Ukraine. "They had already blown up Chernobyl, and that was just a cheap power reactor going kaboom."\nLibya, India, and Pakistan snuck into the party through the back gate.\nIraq walked in wearing shorts and a t-shirt with a hand in its pocket.\n"Whoa, wait a minute," said the U.S. "What's in that pocket of yours?"\n"None of your business," said Saddam Hussein, speaking for Iraq.\n"Get the rope!" yelled the U.S. "We got us a party crasher!"\nIt was at about this time when North Korea walked in and pointed a gun at the U.S.' head.\nAccording to a report from CBS News, Kim Jong IL, 'president' of North Korea, promises a "sea of fire" if the United States challenges his authority. Some of Jong's aides are calling for a "holy war" against the United States. Sound familiar?\nThis time, the United States isn't alone in their worry about North Korea. The United Nations is considering economic sanctions against this latest smoking nuclear gun, but North Korea added fuel to the "sea of fire," saying economic sanctions will be considered a "declaration of war."\nWith an army of nearly 1.4 million soldiers, some small Southeast Asian country could feel the wrath of the North Korean war machine if Jong IL decides to have some fun with explosives. However, with only six or seven viable nuclear missiles and poor distribution of resources like fuel and water, Southeast Asia will be as far as Jong can extend his killing fields. But in the scope of human life, that is already too far. \nIraq, on the other hand, is having too much fun playing hide-and-go-seek with UN weapons inspectors to worry about the North Korean threat. They figure, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend."\nWell, when Iraq shakes North Korea's hand, they better watch out for the little buzzer inside it.