Liar liar

The FOX reality series "Joe Millionaire" asks if true love can survive a little, $50 million lie. Maybe. But can true love survive a little, family lie -- or learning the mother of a significant other isn't really dead? \nFreshman Adriana Cardenas ended a relationship after she went to her boyfriend's house to surprise him and instead surprised herself when she met her boyfriend's mother, whom her boyfriend had claimed passed away a couple years before.\nNot everyone's truthful about his or her background (or even his or her mother) when out on the dating scene. "Joe Millionaire," which pits 20 women against each other for the heart of a construction worker who claims he's actually a rich bachelor, has pushed the subject of lying to potential mates into the spotlight. But in truth, fibbing in these types of situations has gone on for ages. \nFrom feeling inadequate to trying to impress the person they want to date, people feel they have to exaggerate to match the attractiveness of that person, experts said. \nAnd using lying as a dating tool seems to frequently happen in the college setting, where students feel pressure to find both short- and long-term companions.\nThe Kinsey Institute staff maintains that lying is not the way to establish a healthy bond. \n"When you're talking about relationships, the main thing we stress, whether it's emotional or sexual, is communication and honesty," said Jennifer Bass, head of information services for The Kinsey Institute. "Misrepresenting yourself just doesn't make sense."\nCardenas found that out the hard way. Her boyfriend's first lie came one month into the relationship. She said he told her that he was 17 when he was actually 18.\nCardenas' boyfriend went beyond simply telling fibs. He apparently created a second identity too. \nOnce, when Cardenas opened her boyfriend's wallet to borrow gas money, she said she discovered her boyfriend kept two driver's licenses. One showed the photo of a smiling, 18-year-old man. The other depicted the same photo of her smiling boyfriend at the not-so-young age of 23.\n"I guess he was afraid I wouldn't date him if I knew he was 23," Cardenas said. \nAbout a year later, Cardenas said she met her boyfriend's mother, whom she had been told was dead. Cardenas said her boyfriend explained that he had lied because he didn't want her to get involved with a fight he was having with his mother. \nBut Cardenas said she couldn't take the deception and broke up with him soon after the incident. \n"After you've been dating for a year you're under the assumption that's he's being honest," Cardenas said. "And to find out he's not is very hurtful. It makes you very distrustful of people."\nCollege: where lies grow and fester\nPeople frequently lie about their age to appear more attractive, experts said.\nJunior Jason Doss has a habit of meeting people who are ambivalent about their age. Doss, 26, said he keeps meeting 19- and 20-year-olds posing as 25-year-olds. \n"That's happened at least three times in the last year," Doss said. "Of course, I still dated them, but it's just funny how it worked."\nLack of confidence and immaturity is a reason why some people lie.\n"There are a lot of immature people who are uncomfortable with themselves, so uncomfortable, they have to create these stories," said syndicated advice columnist and former IDS staffer Harlan Cohen, whose "Help Me, Harlan!" column runs in the IDS.\n"I don't think there is anything uglier than a woman who lies," Cohen said.\nCohen said many people masquerade as someone else, lying about everything from their marital status and age to their weight and affection for their significant other. Fibbing seems to take root in the college setting, he added. \n"College is the place where liars begin to live with lying and cheats begin living life as a cheater," Cohen said. "That sick feeling in the pits of their stomachs becomes normal -- and that's when it becomes a problem post-college."\nCohen said he knows firsthand what it feels like to be lied to. \n"I dated this girl who told me she was from a certain family background, but it turned out she wasn't," he said. "And I was like, 'Now I just can't trust you.'"\nLying for charisma\nBesides immaturity and lack of comfort, feelings of inadequacy also prompt people to lie to potential dates. Research shows people are more willing to lie to those they find attractive.\nBoth men and women "reported being more willing to lie about their personal appearance, personality traits, income, past relationship outcomes, career skills and intelligence to prospective dates who were higher in facial physical attractiveness," according to a study by college psychology professors Wade Rowatt, Michael Cunningham and Perri Druen in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. \nThe study concluded that people exaggerate about themselves to try to appear more similar to those they want to be with.\nSorting out fibs\nBrenda Hanning, manager at Together, a national matchmaking service, said her staff goes out of its way to make sure applicants don't fib to prospective dates. Together conducts 90-minute interviews with its applicants. The staff then screens the applicants before administering a personality test. \nMost applicants don't lie through the dating service because they have to pay an undisclosed membership fee, Hanning said. \n"There are less expensive ways to misrepresent yourself in a dating situation," Hanning said. "I think if people pay to meet someone, they're less likely to lie."\nWhile using a dating service helps filter out lies, people in real-life situations -- and even some highly unlikely ones like "Joe Millionaire" -- have to figure things out for themselves. \nFor example, freshman Julia Trachtenberg listened to her friends' stories rather than her boyfriend's account of his misdeeds. She said she had to break up with her boyfriend after he made out with a few of her friends while he was drunk. \n"He wouldn't even admit to it," Trachtenberg said. "I knew he was lying. …\n"What is a relationship without trust?" she asked.