What's worse than being the worst team?

So, we've established that the IU football team is the worst team in the Big Ten this year. Now, that's a pretty sad and pathetic feat for the season, but it could be worse.\nNeed proof? Imagine the following:\n10. Being the L.A. Lakers without Shaq. The Lakers are 2-6, and dead last in the Pacific division of the Western Conference. What a great way to prove that the only way you can win is by relying on your big man to carry you. Does this remind anyone else of the Chicago Bulls minus Michael Jordan in the mid-90's. They couldn't win without him. The current Lakers a dynasty? I don't think so. More like the Shaq dynasty with 13 peons.\n9. Being Ben Affleck. Can you imagine being engaged to a more flaky person? The IU Athletic Department could have saved money on figuring out how to change their image by watching a tape of Jennifer Lopez over the years. First she's Jennifer with a Latino husband, then she goes to J-Lo and hip hop with Puffy, threw in husband Cris Judd for fun and now she's Jenny with Benny. Next thing you know, she's sporting a Boston accent and reciting Good Will Hunting. How do you like them apples?\n8. Being part of the recent craze of running onto the field and getting attacked or being attacked. What is wrong with these people? Miami (Ohio) assistant coach Jon Wauford was arrested after sucker-punching a Marshall fan after the Marshall win. This comes after Kansas City Royals coach Tom Gamboa was attacked by a scary father and son duo. People, people, people, the IU football team lost to Northwestern and Michigan State, and no one got a beat-down in the process. If they can keep control, anyone can.\n7. You could be poor Northwestern, back on the Bottom 10 poll on ESPN.com. The Wildcats beat IU, yet the Hoosiers are not on the list, and Northwestern is No.10? That's just not fair, even if the Wildcats face Iowa this week. IU faces Penn State, on NATIONAL television. That's got to be worthy of at least a mention. \n6. You could be Bob Knight. Note to coach Knight -- it's called letting go. To sue IU two years after he was fired seems counterproductive. The fact that he's one of the best coaches in the history of college basketball is only strengthened by the job he has done at Texas Tech. He needs to move on from the past, because it's not going to change.\n5. You could be at a University where the colors still aren't consistent and the athletic department is in debt. Imagine the basketball arena at this University. The floor, banners and cheers are still one color, when everything else is another color. Hey wait a second. That describes IU. Darn.\n4.You could have to play on the same team as Barry Bonds. Bonds needs his own stadium for his ego and Creatine alone. Plus he's moody, rude and is the one person who has managed to find an "I" in the word team.\n3. You could be part of the Michigan basketball program. The Wolverines penalized themselves before the NCAA could take action after it was discovered an alumni gave former players money. This includes taking the Fab Five out of their record books, forfeiting 112 games and taking down various banners from the past 10 years. Erasing the history of the best recruiting class ever? Heartbreaking.\n2. You could be an athletic department that doesn't know the definition of the word "deadline." Here's some help. It is "a time limit, as for payment of a debt or completion of an assignment." Can you believe some athletic departments set deadlines then don't even abide by their own timeliness? Oh no -- this is IU again! Damn!\n1. Being a member of the Indianapolis Ice and having to seriously play hockey with Manute Bol. Hello! He's 7-7, an NBA disaster and actually participated in the show Celebrity Boxing. Are they trying to turn themselves into the biggest joke in minor league hockey? Mission accomplished.\nSee, being the worst isn't so bad after all.