What Would Jesus Drive?

They say that God has a sense of humor, and I hope this is true.\nWhy? Because a Pennsylvania-based environmental group will soon be rolling out a group of ads that asks the all-important question: "What Would Jesus Drive?" According to their campaign, Jesus would just say no to polluting SUVs, while giving a big thumbs up to nature-friendly Volkswagen Beetles and Ford Escorts.\n"We think he is Lord of our transportation choices as well as all our other choices," said the Rev. Jim Ball, executive director of the Evangelical Environmental Network, the group sponsoring the campaign.\nI'll admit that SUVs cause more pollution than other vehicles, and that it's very hard to imagine Jesus behind the wheel of a Ford Explorer chugging up a muddy wilderness road. Especially when the Explorer reaches the top, and Jesus calmly steps out, views the expanse and exclaims, "Way to go Dad!" But I won't admit that using a religious icon who is worshiped by many, including myself, is the best way to go about dissuading the use of SUVs.\nFirst, there is the fact that not everybody in America worships Jesus. Are the commercials also going to feature Mohammed and Buddha standing alongside Jesus shaking their heads contemptuously at a row of Ford Excursions? Maybe we should throw in Zeus just for good measure. He can throw a lightning bolt at a Chevy Tahoe while shouting, "HOW'S THAT FOR ADVENTURE?"\nSecond, it forces us to answer "What Would Jesus Drive?" How is anyone supposed to know that? If I had to guess, I'd say Jesus would probably use public transportation. And I greatly fear the day when I'm walking across campus and come across a sign that reads, "Take Bloomington Transit! Jesus would!" The point is, we have no idea what Jesus would drive, and we're only going to get stupid answers by asking that question.\nThird, where is this going to stop? Is the next ad campaign going to be called "What Would Jesus Drink?"\nNarrator: \nDrink Gatorade! Its thirst-quenching attributes and super-cool variety of colors make it the beverage of choice of your Lord and Savior!\nIt's tough enough to be a Christian today with the likes of Jerry Falwell unjustly calling Mohammed a terrorist and Preacher Jim condemning your fellow students as whores for wearing a skirt that is shin length. The Christian community should not degrade itself further with an ad campaign that is just begging to be on David Letterman's Top Ten List. \nI see nothing wrong with appealing to the moral sense of people in the fight against SUVs. But to use Jesus, or any religious icon, in such a crass way demeans the meaning of the icon itself. I'd like to think Jesus wouldn't really care whether I drive a Chevy Lumina or a Chevy Trailblazer.\nA far better commercial would focus on how SUVs are polluting the air or using up our natural resources and then let the audience decide whether they want to continue purchasing such an environmentally abusing product. We all know that wouldn't work, though.\n"People want power. Consumers want power," said Eron Shosteck, a spokesman for the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers. And no matter who goes up there to speak against SUVs, from Barry Bonds to President Bush to Jesus, people are going to continue to buy them.\nSo let's just keep Jesus out of motor vehicles altogether. I try to live my life by "What Would Jesus Do," but that concept shouldn't be thrust upon others, especially in something as ridiculous as modes of transportation.