Books, classes, notes and lectures rule the daytime hours for college students. But all are soon forgotten in light of that phone number scribbled on a scrap of paper, that giddy feeling while applying cologne and popping breath mints, and that awkward moment walking up to the door for a final "goodnight." \nFor many students, the college years would not be complete without dating. Despite the uncertainties, embarrassments and uneasy moments, they enjoy the chance to get to know members of the opposite sex. However, some students have already found Mr. or Mrs. Right and broken the norm by committing to each other for life.\nThis wouldn't be surprising for a couple generations ago, when marriage in the early '20s was expected. But in 2002, a smaller amount of young people, especially students, are deciding to marry young. There are many challenges in balancing school and married life; challenges most students aren't ready to face. But for some IU couples, marriage seems the natural step in their relationships, even if they are still pursuing their education.
New Life\nIn addition to sharing a new apartment, phone number and life, Loren and Lauren Kutzko now share the exact same name. \n"It's a conversation starter," says Lauren, who recently decided to go by Lauren Marie to avoid confusion. "Overall it's fun; although sometimes, I feel like I am speaking in third person."\nThe two met at IU when Lauren Marie was a freshman and Loren was a sophomore, and they started dating a year later. After awhile, instead of simply continuing to date indefinitely, they decided to take their relationship to a new level. They became engaged the following year and were married this July. \nPart-time student Loren, 22, hadn't expected to marry before he graduated. But after his second year at IU, he began to work full time with the School of Continuing Studies to help finance his IT degree. He says the new job "made the real world seem a little more rushed, and there was really nothing for me to wait for anymore." \nLauren Marie, currently a senior majoring in gender studies, had some initial reservations as well. \n"At first (Lauren) very much wanted to wait until she graduated also, to experience college and youth for a little bit longer," he says. "But as time went on she realized how much she couldn't resist being away from me," he adds jokingly.
Today's Marriage Trends\nFor most college students, however, that desire to fully experience their college years has led to a later marriage age for many. \n"There is a trend today towards people marrying later, particularly in their mid- to late-twenties, as opposed to their teens or early twenties as in earlier decades," says Marshall Miller, co-founder of Boston-based program Alternatives to Marriage. \nThe U.S. Census shows a large rise in the average marriage age of young people. The median age of first marriages has gained three years since the 1960s. It is currently around 25-years-old for women and 27 for men.\nOne reason people currently tend to marry later is the changing role of women in society. \nA major change in the last 50 years is women no longer need husbands to survive and earn the money. As a result, there's less pressure for women to get married. \n"A difference between now and the previous generations is that you shouldn't feel like if you haven't found the love of your life, that you have to have a 'ring before spring,' or that if you don't graduate with an MRS degree you're a failure," Miller says. "Most college students nowadays understand that it's perfectly okay and common to go through college and even a period of early to mid-twenties and not get married."\nAnother reason people are putting off marriage is a change in attitude. College students are finding their early twenties are a time to pursue education or other interests and passions, Miller says. These could be traveling around the world, or seeing what relationships are like without marrying and making a lifetime commitment to one. \nBut for Sara Romano and John Riester, making that lifetime commitment seemed natural. \n"Once the right person comes along, why try more dating if you know this is the person that you want to be with?" asks Romano, a junior majoring in music education.\nShe and fiancé Riester met through mutual friends two years ago. They became engaged last October and are planning to get married this August, though both of them have at least a year left of school.\n"My dad's input was, 'your heart will tell you,'" says Riester, a senior at the IU School of Music studying organ performance. "It just felt right at that point."
Balancing Act\nIs college really the right time to concentrate on fulfilling one's duties as a spouse? Adding this extra dimension to a full course load doesn't seem practical to some students.\nSenior Christina Watson, an education major, is engaged and getting married next October after she graduates. Even if she had met her fiancé earlier in her college experience, she still wouldn't tie the knot until after graduation, she says.\n"If you get married before graduating, you have so many other things going on in your life that you might not devote as much time to school as you need to," Watson says. "It's really important to me to get my schooling done and graduate so that I can get a job." \nFor Lauren Marie, however, married life has actually improved her academic success. She goes to campus in the morning with husband Loren, who works all day. The distraction-free time she has to finish homework before class has resulted in higher grades. It's harder for Loren, who has to balance his full-time job, class and homework. But he says it's nothing he can't handle. \n"We have to exercise time management to see each other at night -- to have dinner together and talk but also get our homework done," Loren says. "It is a challenge, but it's certainly worth it."\n"I don't think it's any different than a new job or having to work at night," Lauren Marie adds. "It's just different things to balance. I think there will always be those things in life."
Marriage Rates\nStudent marriages don't just face challenges in lifestyle adjustment and time management. National statistics show a large risk of overall failure. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately 40 to 50 percent of first marriages will end in divorce. In addition, the risk of divorce is greater the younger the couple is at the time of their first marriage. \n"People continue to grow, and therefore they sometimes change. If you marry someone before you have grown up, there is a greater chance that you'll grow apart from them," says Dr. Margaret Squires, Bloomington psychotherapist. \nSquires acknowledges some student marriages can be successful. Her own marriage of 32 years began between her junior and senior years of college, but she says there are inherent problems to marriage at a young age. \n"Student marriages face several stresses," Squires says. "Not only personal identity but career and finances are not at their optimal state during the college years."\nSquires is a member of the Monroe County Committee for Strong Marriages, which tries to combat the high divorce rate locally. Area pastors have signed an agreement not to marry couples unless they have a certain amount of marriage preparation meetings prior to the union. Many programs such as these have sprung up around the country to increase marital success.\nDr. Ann Gries is the director of a similar program in Evansville called Community Marriage Builders. She says if students go through a pre-marriage preparation program, their marriage has about a 95 percent success rate. If they fail to participate in such a program, the success rate drops to 50 percent. \nAnother reason for the high divorce rate is living together prior to marriage, Gries says.\n"Students are at an age where marriage can be successful because they are a little bit older," Gries says. "But if they've been living together, they have about a 70 percent chance of divorce." \nShe cites lack of commitment as the biggest downfall of cohabitation.
Playing the Odds\nRomano and Riester moved into the same apartment this year. They acknowledge the statistics, but said their commitment level will make for a successful relationship. \n"It just feels really right," Romano says. "I think both of us are going into this thinking that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I think a lot of people nowadays are like, 'It's not a big decision because I'll just get divorced if it doesn't work.'" \nNeither Romano and Riester nor the Kutzkos said they are daunted by the high divorce rate, but think it's something to keep in mind. \n"It would be too naïve to not take the divorce rate into consideration," Loren says. "This isn't someone who, if things start getting difficult, you can break up with. It's bigger than that, and let's not join the 50 percent and call it quits after four years."\nSo while their peers are worrying about tomorrow night's date or whether to call a cute classmate, these students are enjoying another day in a lifelong partnership. To them, marriage is not a limiting experience, but an outgrowth of a committed relationship. \nThere are certainly the everyday challenges, such as whose turn it is to cook dinner or take out the garbage, but both partners are devoted for better or for worse. \n"Marriage is a huge commitment; the biggest commitment there is," Loren says. "It's not buying a car. It's not buying a house. It's not taking a class that if you decide you're failing, you can quit after eight weeks. For the rest of my life, until one of us dies, this is it"
