Finding my roots

I went home last weekend to Evansville hoping to rediscover my roots, which I apparently lost somewhere on a "C" bus in my time here at Bloomington.\nThis first came to my attention last week when I was having a conversation with a friend from home and she oh-so-casually remarked that I had a northern accent. There is no possible way, I told her. A person probably cannot forget a manner of living in a matter of a couple of weeks. Wrong, she replied. That should be, "People prolly can't fuhget a manna of livin' ina madda uva couple uh weeks."\nCrap. I had obviously forgotten how to say "y'all."\nSo, I went home.\nEvery time I go home everything changes. This time was no exception. Target is turning into a Super Target. McDonald's is turning into a McDonald's Diner. And most importantly, my room has turned into my mother's work room. There is now a Barbie calendar up in what used to be my room. Oh, the humanity!\nEverything changes.\nExcept for the Fall Festival. During the first full week of October, everyone in Evansville and their food crowds into one street resulting in a smell that can only be referred to as "odorrific." This is known as the Fall Festival and if any place could help me find my roots this would be it.\nBut first, I went to Engelbrecht Orchards to see if I could find my roots in a giant corn maze. Having never been to a corn maze before, I was in for quite a shock when I reached the entrance.\nThe current rate for walking through a bunch of corn is two dollars. Terry Bradshaw would literally explode if he ever found TWO WHOLE DOLLARS. I know the economy isn't doing so hot, but I think it is a telling sign of things to come when people are charged to walk through vegetation.\nBut, I couldn't resist the temptation to do something completely pathetic, so I ended up paying the entrance fee anyway. And let me tell you something. That was the best two dollars I have ever spent in my life.\nForget collect calls. Put that dollar you find on a ranch while riding a horse with Terry Bradshaw toward your "I'm Going to a Corn Maze!" fund. I actually got lost. You wouldn't think being completely disoriented in a field of corn was much fun, but don't knock it till you try it. Plus, the theme of the corn maze was the Wizard of Oz, which just helps you realize all the more that "I am definitely in Southern Indiana and I just got robbed by some farmer who is laughing his head off."\nUnfortunately, I was still saying "you all," though. The Fall Festival was going to be my last chance.\nThe best part of the Fall Festival is the food. There are about a hundred different food booths offering such delicacies as brain sandwiches, haystacks, gator gumbo and elephant ears. Also, you can get fried anything. Among the favorites, however, are fried Twinkies, fried apples, fried Slim Fast bars and fried air. You can literally hear arteries screaming for mercy as you walk by a person eating a fried Twinkie.\nSadly, you can't buy your roots anywhere at the Fall Festival. Not even fried roots. So, I was walking with some friends along the street when I spied a booth offering a previously unknown luxury known as chocolate covered fried crickets.\n"Y'all gotta check this out," I screamed.\nI had found my roots.