Dude, give us the Dell guy

Everything must change. This is a natural fact of life. That which is seen as a guiding light into the darkness of uncertainty must eventually be taken down and replaced. We look to these guiding lights of humanity in order to help us find our way to knowledge and away from ignorance. All across campus this week, every student and faculty member has this on his or her lips. Now, another man we all know is gone. Some of us loved him and his decidedly pro-technology speeches, others were vehemently against him and his apparently repetitive rhetoric. Still, no matter what, he touched us all. He is perhaps a cornerstone of our generation.\nHe is "Steven, the Dell Guy." And, according to Dell Computers, his time is up.\nFrom www.reuters.com, one of the leading financial sites on the Web, on Monday, Dell has decided that there may be an upcoming Steven backlash and is debating on whether or not to retire the character.\n"We're trying to look at some alternatives," said Dell spokesman Bob Kaufman, oblivious to all those who he has stabbed in the back -- all those who have put their faith and trust into a complete stranger to harangue them into buying a PC.\nI admit, I was one of those people. I own a Dell computer. Perhaps it is because the "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" campaign affected me deep down in my heart. Although I had never admitted this, I think it's true. If recent studies indicate anything, I think he's touched you too. Dell sales have increased dramatically since Steven was brought on board in 2000, even warranting him to jump from Dell's original advertising agency Lowe to the DDB agency in 2001.\nSo popular was Steven, that Dell devoted a special section of their Web site to their much-loved spokesman (www.dell4me.com/dude). After being set up because of being "inundated by calls from adoring fans," all things Steven can be found on this site, including his AIM name "DellDudeSteven." Even "Dell Dude" apparel.\nHis wit. His charm. His incessant commercials that seem to be played at every commercial break on every station.\nDell is unsure of what to do now that Steven's gone. They removed him, and now he's just a mascot with nothing to promote. Sad, isn't it? Truly, nothing lasts forever. Many people -- including those who wish to remain anonymous -- admired Steven. To say he was a hero to our generation would be to over-simplify it. Could it possibly be that we can no longer connect to the one we love so much?\nNot necessarily.\nFor another has stepped down, and there is a vacancy for Steven. One which would allow him to be closer to we the students than ever before.\nThat's correct. I nominate Steven to step into Myles Brand's shoes as the next president of Indiana University.\nThink about it: He would be the perfect candidate. From those Dell commercials, we know he sees education as a top priority, yet he's also aware that some good-natured fun is just as important for today's young person. At graduation, his short speech, "Dude, you're getting your diploma!" would not only speed things up, but make an IU graduating class proud. What other Big Ten University has an advertising character as their acting president?\nSteven, the IU guy. Sounds nice, doesn't it? So, if you want some changes around here academic-wise, make some noise. Petition and protest that you want Steven as your new IU president. He'd be a choice that'd certainly get the students out in droves.\nOh, please. I hope he isn't reading this. If he really does show up, pretend that I'm not here.