The joy of summer jobs

My summertime job is about as exciting as an after-school special. And my summer is like one big extended recess. I have a lot of play time, I just don't have much green in my pocket. I know, you're just dying to know what I do. \nThe suspense is killing you.\nI sit at a little table topped with a green umbrella and sell tickets for a duck boat. What is a duck boat? Well, now here comes the interesting part -- it is an old war boat that travels on land and water. The history is really quite unique, and I could give you my memorized spiel in 30 seconds.\nI have to smile and wave every time the boat passes and sometimes I quack at little kids for kicks. Luckily the umbrella table comes fully equipped with a hot dog stand at arms reach. I'll tell you what, Bonnie makes a killer Chicago dog for a small town in Michigan. Mmmmm ... couldn't you use a Chicago dog right now?\nThe most exciting part about my summertime adventure happened last Tuesday when I packed up my new Camry (okay, so it's slightly used) and relocated in Holland, Mich. My professional ticket selling career is located in a small "where everyone knows your name" Cheers town called Saugatuck. What's special about Saugatuck is it is on the water. It's as close to the not so salty ocean as it gets.\nSometimes I find myself spacing out and staring at the water as the duck boat quacks on by, and other times I catch myself staring at old men devouring Chicago dogs. There's a new kind of male species here in Saugatuck. They're all really nice. They're all on vacation.\nSince I started working here, I made it my personal goal to have as many unusual jobs as possible. I figure, hey, I might as well get paid seven bucks for doing nothing and getting killer tan lines. I can still use the "I'm just a college kid" excuse, thank goodness.\nMy cool job list is currently as short as a really bad skirt.\n1. I have worked security at concerts.\n2. I have handed out bread while listening to the painfully annoying twang of country music.\n3. I have sat at a desk and watched not so buff guys try to beef up.\n4. I have fed old people at a retirement home.\n5. And of course, I have been employed in the tip me or die restaurant industry.\nThis list may seem pathetic to many of you, but every job has taught me what I don't want to do with my life. Each of these jobs has taught me the importance of a college degree.\nNext summer I may try flipping burgers at a hamburger joint or making a screw at a factory. I'd really like to be President Bush's personal assistant minus the Monica Lewinsky business. Or maybe I'll be a sandwich artist and go on a strict Subway diet like our wonderful friend Jared. Rumor has it, he's off our diet. Oh nevermind, it's the new low-fat teriyaki chicken sub. Our Bloomington hero is still eating right.\nSo wherever you are, whatever you're doing this summer, make sure it's exciting to you. You might as well use the "poor college kid" excuse as long as you can. And in the words of Bob Barker, "Control the pet population, have your pets spayed or neutered"