The facts of college life

Tis the season, again. No, not for stockings, presents and mistletoe, but instead for pre-freshman and parents with their red and white orientation bags. Once again campus is being invaded by mass hordes of confused parents and their oblivious offspring. You know who I'm talking about -- legions of 'will-be' students who follow five feet behind by their parents.\nSo, as a result of this invasion, it has gotten me thinking back to my own orientation, oh-so-many years ago. Let's see what sort of insights I can come up with.\nThe funny thing is that to me, college hasn't really been an institution of learning so much as it has been one of awakening. Basically, college has just informed me of everything that I don't know. So many tests have gone by with questions I don't know. Books written by people I don't know about things I have never heard of are still hiding under my bed somewhere. \nCollege is the place where dreams are made through humbling experience after experience that leaves each and every person gasping for air and shouting at the top of their lungs "I USED TO BE SMART!"\nWith that in mind, I may not be the best candidate for the job of offering advice to incoming freshman, but hey, I'll give it a shot.\nI have surprisingly little to offer in terms of advice for this year's new recruits. Sure, I could tell them about the textbook Nazis. I could inform these folks of the food point Nazis and their convoluted notions of 'supply and demand.' But hey, who likes spoilers? If I keep to myself then I'm just giving them something to talk about later on in the year. \nPromotion of friendship by leaving something for two total strangers to talk about -- we all know I'm a fan of that.\nNo, I won't mention any of that. Instead, I think I'll give a single lesson in etiquette. With so many topics to choose from, I will decide to talk about some pet peeves of mine. So bear with me. Oh, and if you are a culprit of any of the following, feel free to throw yourself into oncoming traffic, or at least don't be surprised when I don't brake. \nAnyway, today's lesson: "In class ethics." This is a biggie, and I have a few tips. First, I don't care how badly you need to hear from your best friend about last night's kegger, no cell phones in class. Wow. Okay, next: Newspapers are fine, but really, don't read through class. As for in-class sleeping, totally allowed, but control the drool and snoring situation. Basically just be courteous in class and you'll be fine.\nSo that's about all the heads up I can give in this edition. Maybe in my next column, I'll move on to dorm etiquette. We'll see. As for now, all I can say is listen to your parents; they know more than you might think. So with that in mind, all you pre-freshmen, have fun here on campus, and I'll see you next year.