Bowl or bust

Hackers. Loogies. Chewed up bubble gum. They're all candidates to be placed in IU's new trophy. \nThat Old Brass Spittoon is back in Bloomington. For the first time since 1993. And for only the fourth time since 1970. \nI guess now, the Hoosiers spit in it. It's some well-deserved spit. Go ahead and clear your throat Cam Cameron. Spit away. You might just have a job next fall, in Bloomington that is. Yeah, the same Cameron who I've said will last about as far into December as pumpkin pie. \nSince Cameron took over the IU football program, the Hoosiers have never won three consecutive games, let alone come within five zip codes and three time zones of a bowl game. \nThere's more than a snowball's chance in hell it will happen this season. \nHow's this sound? If IU can go to Beaver Stadium Saturday and knock off suddenly-not-so-good Penn State, it will win out and be bowl bound. I'm not on Ecstacy. Or Skittles. Haven't had a beer all day, either. Just figuring IU can beat Penn State, Purdue and Kentucky. \nHell, who thought the Hoosiers would beat Northwestern and Michigan State? \nIf IU -- the Hoosiers are currently tied for fourth with four teams in the Big Ten -- beats Penn State and Purdue, it will leap-frog the Boilers for bowl eligibility, provided IU can beat lowly Kentucky. Even if Wisconsin and Michigan State win their final two league games, IU will have the tiebreaker over both after pummeling the Badgers by 31 points and edging the Spartans by nine.\nPurdue is the only team tied with the Hoosiers that IU hasn't already beaten. The top five Big Ten teams get bowl invites, so IU is sitting pretty. Just like Cameron's fluffy hair. And just like Cameron will be if IU can win out. \nIt might be the worst nightmare for fans and critics, but if Cameron can lead IU to a bowl game -- I still can't believe I'm saying this -- he should have a job next fall. And not for Skittles. Or for the Pop Warner All-Stars. Or for some sheet metal company in the middle of Kentucky. \nAnd Cameron has finally figured it out. IU can't win under the same circumstances as any other football team. It has to fake kicks, run the ball 89 times and never, ever kick field goals.\n"The minute we try to start winning by the book here at Indiana, they will fire me," Cameron said Saturday. "They will fire me, because we're not going to win that way."\nAnd they haven't. But, things are changing right now. Suddenly the final three games of the season are significant. They don't officially offer one last chance to see the fall of the Cameron regime. \nSolid finishes in 1998 and 1999 could have pushed IU toward a bowl appearance. Instead, IU lost five of those six games by a combined score of 192-98. \nThe same shouldn't happen this season. Penn State, which IU has never beaten, blew a fourth-quarter lead at Illinois Saturday and has the same 3-5 record as IU. Purdue would have been better off sending its band to Ohio State Saturday and Kentucky couldn't beat Purdue's band. \nCall me crazy, but if IU can upend Joe Paterno and Penn State, the Hoosiers will finish the season with five consecutive wins -- IU hasn't won three in a row since 1994 -- and head to a bowl game. \nUntil then, hock up a loogie.