The Mike-ademy awards

Movies are only good if you've seen them. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just crazy enough to be true. \nI thought of this when I was watching the Academy Awards this year because I hadn't seen a lot of the movies that were up for the bald statue. I sat there rooting for "Gladiator" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." \nIt was here I wondered how I would give out my own Best Picture awards, I think I would do a different job than the Academy, and I think I would put an emphasis on being able to quote the movie. That would be the deciding factor in whether a movie won a "Mike-ademy award." \nAnd since it took me so long to come up with the name of my awards, it is only fitting that I give some away. These timeless movies all deserve to say, "I'd like to thank the Mike-ademy …"\n"Braveheart"\nIt doesn't get any better than this. William Wallace is one of the greatest characters ever to make his way onto the big screen. I still get a little teary-eyed every time Wallace yells, "Freedom!" The speech at Stirling is also memorable, and people often like to see me reenact it at parties. It's usually not too much of a struggle for me, but lugging the horse around all night is a bit of a hassle. \nMemorable quote: "I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men."\n"Gladiator"\nI might as well give the Academy some credit for giving this movie the award for "Best Picture." One of the only words that captures the essence of this movie is "epic." The battle scenes are breathtaking, to say the least. I probably dislike the evil Commodus as much as I like the hero Maximus. The opening scene is amazing, and watching Maximus decapitate a guy in super-slow motion is pretty darn cool, too. \nMemorable quote: "What we do in life ... echoes in eternity."\n"The Sting"\nThis movie might be a little before our time. I only saw it because my dad made me sit down and watch it with him when I was in high school. My mother asked me why I got such a bad grade on my calculus quiz that week. I blamed Dad; he blamed the movie. "The Sting" was made in the early 1970s, and it is part of the era when any movie with Robert Redford and Paul Newman was good. The movie keeps you guessing, and the ending is what really makes the film a masterpiece.\nMemorable quote: "Luther said I could learn something from you. I already know how to drink."\n"Swingers"\n"Swingers" is one of those movies that might be mostly for guys. Lucky for me, I'm a guy. This movie is where Vince Vaughn got his big break, and he has never quite equaled his performance as Trent. "Swingers" is the male handbook for dealing with relationships. And like every great male handbook, the directions are missing. \nMemorable quote: "Didn't you see 'Boyz in the Hood?' Now one of us is gonna get shot!"\n"Rocky" \nI'll let you in on a little secret about this movie: It's not really about boxing. It's about a guy trying to prove that his life means something. Mickey is one of the more lovable characters in this movie, and you don't really know why. It's also hard not to like Rocky, and his talk with Adrian before his fight with Apollo is the scene that makes "Rocky" a classic.\nMemorable quote: "All I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed. And if I can go that distance seeing that bell ring and I'm still standin' … I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, you see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood."\n"Goonies"\nSometimes I think that part of my childhood was actually spent inside this movie. I watched it so many times I began to think having asthma was cool. Who could forget the "Truffle Shuffle" or the number of times Cyndi Lauper songs were played throughout the film? This movie also got to Corey Feldman before he took a turn for the worse.\nMemorable quote: "This one. This one right here. This was my dream … my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm takin' them all back." \nAnd those are all the Mike-ademy awards I'm giving away this year. Some nominees for next year are "Varsity Blues," "October Sky" and "A Few Good Men." I've got a feeling they're going to win some awards. Not only are these movies exceptional, but they pass the Mike-ademy's ultimate test: \nI've seen them.