Who learned you how to spoke?

The English language just ain't what it used to be.\nNowadays the language is butchered to a point where no one can really distinguish what is a real word and what isn't. We've taken slang to a new level, and it is starting to get out of control.\nI'm not going to stand on my columnist soapbox and preach about how we should use the language correctly. I'm just as guilty as the next guy when it comes to making the English language my own. I decided a long time ago that normal English was not for me. I'm pretty sure it was the day I asked why the words "daughter" and "laughter" didn't sound the same. That's when my faith in the language started its downward spiral.\nSo I figured it shouldn't be up to me to try and conform to something that has trouble conforming to its own rules. This is why I'm starting my own language.\nAnyone can use my language, and this makes my language almost exactly like English in this country; it can be selectively used correctly also.\nNow, without further adieu, here are the rules for "Yom dupe." (Hey, it's my language. I get to pick the name.)\nThe dupe is the dupe\nThe word "dupe" is an integral part of "Yom dupe," as you can tell by the name of the language. Dupe is a noun. Dupe is a verb. Dupe is an adjective. Actually, dupe is anything you want it to be in my language. You can say things like, "Hey, look at that dupe" or "C'mon, let's dupe it." You can also use dupe if you don't like someone's last name. For example: "I'd like you to meet my friend, Bobby Dupe."\nSmitten \nThe word "smitten" will take the place of the word "love" because it's just a better word. It is more fun to say, and being smitten just sounds better than being in love. It makes me smile every time I hear someone say they're smitten or, as Mike Myers puts it, in deep smit.\nDance \nThe word "dance" will now be part of a phrase. It will never be said without the words "the" and "big." To say the word correctly, you must always say, "the big dance." This will always refer to the greatest spectacle in sports, and that will always be the NCAA Basketball Tournament.\nSophomore \nWhenever this word is uttered, it will be said how it is spelled. The word is not pronounced "soph-more." The word is "soph-o-more." "Yom dupe" also stipulates that true believers in the language will use the name of an IU basketball player after they use this word. But the player must indeed be a sophomore. A good example is "sophomore Tom Coverdale."\nSwearing\n"Yom dupe" does not condone swearing. Watching the introductions at the Super Bowl made the founder upset with the number of "F-bombs" dropped on national television. "Yom dupe" wants to set an example for the kids. Swears should be replaced by colorful made-up words. Words like "fark" and "shnykees" convey the same meaning as other words. This rule also applies to chants at basketball games that rhyme with "bull spit." "Yom dupe" asks that people use their heads and chant something like, "Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we got screwed!" \nThese are tentative rules for the language, and they will have exceptions. Yet, we might as well dupe it and get started on this language because we are so far from speaking English correctly, we wouldn't know what proper English looked like if it hit us on the grammatical head.\nSo let's dupe and maybe we'll learn how to spoke this language good.