A college fable

Once upon a time, a young rogue came along with the ability to look at the world like no one else before him. He had the ability to take any situation and turn it into prose that was nothing short of horrible. \nHis friends liked to call him "Mox." He was branded with the name because of his friends' love for a certain movie, and because he was also part of a strange magazine-label debacle. \nMox was not unlike many other men at the university he attended. Outside of his need and love to publish his terrible prose, he was almost like the rest of the guys on campus. His desire to watch "Sportscenter" was usually where his schedule-building began on a typical day, and he made it a rule to start and end his day with the show. Mox was quite fond of his television, and he was enthralled with the many games on it that involved some type of ball.\nMox's life was usually full of all kinds of possibilities, and he was often thankful for the three guides who usually pointed him in a direction. They were seldom found making their way toward the right direction, but Mox was usually just happy they agreed on where they were going. \nThe first guide was a mythical figure known as Cat Stevens. He was a bit perturbed when he started to be mistaken for the singer, but he eventually learned to deal with his often mistaken identity. Cat was known for his bluntness and his strange impressions of a 1970s gigolo. He liked to tell Mox to just forget about his morals and act. \nCat followed a mantra that life was a strange game only the clever people actually played. Mox often took this into account when he thought about Cat's advice. But the end result was usually that Mox got into trouble, most often with members of the opposite sex. Mox would sometimes wonder why he ever listened to his folk-singing look-alike. But Mox remembered Cat was there at the beginning, and he would, no doubt, be there at the end. \nThe next guide who often felt the need to chime in was the one known as "Pedantic." He would find himself in situations where he could overreact and ask questions no one could really resolve. He would ask things such as, "What am I doing?" and "Why did I drink last night?" Answers from both Mox and Cat could never be applied to a constructive plan of action. Mox usually answered with the clever phrase, "I don't know." Cat would wave his wand of bluntness and say, "Because you're an idiot."\nPedantic was loud like no other being, and his catchphrase ("Are you kidding me?") was even louder. Pedantic always ended up with the most interesting tales. He liked to hold story times to orate his history to the masses. And while many people usually attended these sessions, few listened.\nOne who was almost always not listening, and who was often part of Pedantic's stories, was the last guide in Mox's life. He was known simply as "Red." Red had a strange relationship with porridge, and he was often MIA during the week. His lack of time around the other guides often led to a weird form of tackling when he was around. Mox, Cat and Pedantic had a strange practice of jumping on Red when he walked through the front door. Red tried to defend himself from these outbursts of joy, but he was never successful in fending off his three attackers. \nRed was a master of all things fast-food. He knew locations, hours and phone numbers. He could find a place to eat at the drop of a hat, and he avoided cooking for himself like Pac-Man avoided those strange video-game ghosts.\nRed rounds out a strange collection of characters Mox knows he will remember with fond memories. And Mox knows he is not alone when it comes to his situation, and he is sure there are many other variations of himself on the campus. And for every Mox running around the university, he knows there are multiple sets of Cats, Pedantics and Reds. \nMox hopes he has found the right way to tell his friends how much they mean to him. He also hopes every other Mox will find a way to tell his friends what he is trying to say to his right now.\nBoys, you are a huge pain in the ass, but I don't know what I'd do or be without you.