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(05/06/10 6:44pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>As I type my final words for the Indiana Daily Student, I have to say I’m disappointed in you, women of Bloomington. Not once in my time here has any journalism groupie approached me at a party and offered an obvious come-on like, “I wonder how big your pencil is.” I’ve seen “Californication”; aren’t your panties supposed to drop as soon you hear someone’s a writer? Duchovny lied to me.Sexual conquests aside, I’ve been amazed at how long you folks have let me write my insane thoughts to you every week. Do you want to create an egomaniac? Just give him a regular column and tell him that every single member of the campus reads it regularly.Don’t let him know that many copies end up lying on the floors of lecture halls or used as paper for joints (smoking the ink gives you a unique add-on high best described as “Ernie Pyle just blew my mind”).What’s been interesting is that most compliments on the column came from personal e-mails, while the comments usually looked like they came from “Mad Libs for Angry People.” I think that means I have a secret society of supporters, fearful to speak in public. Understood. The Chad Quandt Fan Club/Orgy will have its first meeting at my apartment this weekend. The password is “I’m here for the orgy.”There are still so many things I wish I could have discussed with you all: why prostitution should be legal so I can pay off my loans, how the pedestrian habits in Bloomington would get you hit by a car in any major city or why Zooey Deschanel should run away with me. Maybe there’s a reason my editors kept those columns from being published.Despite these four years of college, the only truth I am absolutely sure of is that we’re all trying to shout our individual voices out into the ether.Some do this with snide remarks, some write on Pitchfork, others make a quilt out of the skin of people they’ve killed. I chose to write a column.There is enough random, unchecked information out there on the Internet that you can prove any point you want with “evidence.” Somewhere there’s a chart that “proves” the cat population in a city is related to how many miscarriages there are.By no means did this opinion column contain any authority, and I doubt anyone assumed there was. But thank you to those who joined in the discourse.Email: cquandt@indiana.edu
(05/03/10 12:12am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>As I type my final words for the Indiana Daily Student, I have to say I’m disappointed in you, women of Bloomington. Not once in my time here has any journalism groupie approached me at a party and offered an obvious come-on like, “I wonder how big your pencil is.” I’ve seen “Californication”; aren’t your panties supposed to drop as soon you hear someone’s a writer? Duchovny lied to me.Sexual conquests aside, I’ve been amazed at how long you folks have let me write my insane thoughts to you every week. Do you want to create an egomaniac? Just give him a regular column and tell him that every single member of the campus reads it regularly.Don’t let him know that so many issues end up lying on the floors of lecture halls or used as paper for joints (smoking the ink gives you a unique add-on high best described as “Ernie Pyle just blew my mind”).What’s been interesting is that most compliments on the column came from personal e-mails, while the comments usually looked like they came from “Mad Libs for Angry People.” I think that means I have a secret society of supporters, fearful to speak in public. Understood. The Chad Quandt Fan Club/Orgy will have its first meeting at my apartment this weekend. The password is “I’m here for the orgy.”There are still so many things I wish I could have discussed with you all: why prostitution should be legal so I can pay off my loans, how the pedestrian habits in Bloomington would get you hit by a car in any major city or why Zooey Deschanel should run away with me. Maybe there’s a reason my editors kept those columns from being published.Despite these four years of college, the only truth I am absolutely sure of is that we’re all trying to shout our individual voices out into the ether. Some do this with snide remarks, some write on Pitchfork, others make a quilt out of the skin of people they’ve killed. I chose to write a column.There is enough random, unchecked information out there on the Internet that you can prove any point you want with “evidence.” Somewhere there’s a chart that “proves” the cat population in a city is related to how many miscarriages there are.By no means did this opinion column contain any authority, and I doubt anyone assumed there was. But thank you to those who joined in the discourse.Email: cquandt@indiana.edu
(04/28/10 8:12pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I’ve always felt comic book movies were a bit of a cheat. I love that some of my favorite series are being put on the big screen and that other people love them (the fact that people are getting excited over “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” feels like I’m in some alternate world where being a geek is cool), but it always feels like the process of making a film off a graphic novel is too easy.Many of these films that champion their painstaking recreation of the comic book are basically getting to skip the entire pre-production process.A comic book gives every potential producer storyboards, concept art, a script — hell, it even assists with the casting process by giving examples of what the actors should look like. When Samuel L. Jackson was cast as Nick Fury in the new Marvel movies, it was because creators had already based the character’s likeness off of him years before.When “Watchmen” came out, we fans wanted the creators to be as faithful as possible to the source material. As I watched a computer graphic Dr. Manhattan say lines of dialogue I had read at least twenty times in the original, I became somewhat jaded. If comic book films are going to be shot-for-shot remakes, do they have any worth of their own? “The Dark Knight” and “Iron Man” have both done so well partly because they found new ways to tell the stories we geeks grew up with.The transition to film is easy because of the visual nature of not just the art, but of the stories. There have been a few strange adaptations like the 2005 thriller “A History of Violence,” but most of the tales are asking for heavy CG, explosions and everything required for a blockbuster. It should be obvious why most of these films are shown during the summer. And because the genre embraces the absurd nature of its inspiration, these movies can get away with absurd levels of action without coming off like a Michael Bay wet dream.Let’s not forget the obvious incentive for studios; the rabid fan base already built into every movie. Sure, nerds can be tough to please, but it doesn’t keep us from spending our money on the big franchises. I can’t tell you one of my nerd friends who didn’t think the “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” movie looked horrible. They all saw it anyway. We are a weak-willed breed. A good movie just guarantees we’ll see it multiple times in theaters and buy the Blu-ray.Comic fans by their nature are better press machines than any marketing firm the studios can hire. We get excited about leaked screenings, post every new teaser trailer on our blogs and social sites and fill dinner conversations with theories on how trashed Mickey Rourke will appear in “Iron Man 2.” If all press is good press, a bitter comic book nerd who spends all day complaining about the inconsistencies of the “Kick-Ass” film is doing God’s work for Universal Pictures.The comic book bubble is already showing signs of bursting. It will be a while before it completely fades, but the last week’s poor box office returns for “The Losers” show audiences aren’t completely swayed by hearing “based off the breakthrough comic.”
(04/21/10 9:20pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>It’s hard to consider video game talent as celebrities, but it’s happening. You might not know a single voice actor’s name, but your brain tickles with deja vu every time you hear the same similar words coming at you across a plethora of titles. It’s not until you look at an actor’s Internet Movie Database page that you realize Jennifer Hale is Commander Shepard from “Mass Effect” and also Naomi from “Metal Gear Solid.” Nolan North is the closest thing to a recognizable actor, but that required starring in pretty much every one of the AAA games last year.As gaming has reached popularity, the celebrities of the domain have been scattered. Some designers such as Cliffy B have found ways to work the press circuit, but the transition has mostly involved pulling famous faces and voices from other media. Vin Diesel excelled at creating his own game studio, but Will Wright is still not a household name.That vacuum of game-only celebrities might be why so many studios love inserting big Hollywood talent into their games. When I interned at Blindlight, their specialty was getting big names to enter the digital realm. This strategy has its perks; having Mickey Rourke as your dark protagonist adds a new layer for marketing, and his delivery is recognizable enough that it already sets a tone for the player based on their preconceived notions of who Rourke usually portrays in films.I’m all for acceptance of video games by Hollywood. As long as developers are able to make original ideas and push the boundaries of the medium, I have no problem with big studios putting money into projects.The problem is that big-name voice acting is a dangerous weapon. It’s a double-edged sword that can just as easily hurt your project if you don’t handle it properly. If money’s being spent on getting a big celebrity at the cost of another month of quality assurance time, that might not be the best trade-off.It’s also not wise to discount the huge stable of lesser-known actors who are already familiar with working in games and require a lot less money. I heard Phil Lamarr (the guy who gets shot in the back of the car in “Pulp Fiction”) perfectly recreate Don Cheadle’s voice for the “Iron Man 2” game. It made a strong case against paying large heaps of money for just a name.I’m glad Hollywood is finding a new place to creep its tentacles into — I just want us to take it slow. Buy us a few drinks and get to know us before you try and cop a feel.
(04/19/10 11:21pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>What will happen to the stoner comedies once marijuana is legalized? There will certainly be a lot more. Once producers know the theaters can be clogged with stoner smoke, half the marquees will contain titles like “A Monkey Shoots A Gun For 90 Minutes” (Note: If a stoner comedy hasn’t yet parodied the old THX opening logo with a “THC” symbol and an ascending sound of a bong hit, someone should get on that).Marijuana has had a strange place in our culture; despite being vilified in early films like Reefer Madness (1936), the drug has mostly been glorified in the past three decades as a renegade, feel-good habit enjoyed by those who think outside the box. Each of these stories have always focused on the chase and flee from the law, so where do we go with those stories when “wake and bake” is as commonplace as morning coffee?Anti-marijuana ads were never that convincing. One of my favorites depicted a dog telling his teenage master “you’re not the same when you smoke.” This was to presumably guilt younglings into abstaining from smoking lest their pets think less of them. In retrospect, telling youth that marijuana allows you to become a new-age Doctor Dolittle probably isn’t the best message. Had that been real, that girl would’ve hit the road as a pet psychic with a car full of weed and her talking dog. Kids will need some sort of new forbidden vice to partake in behind their school cafeterias. With the acceptance of cannabis, I predict methamphetamine will take its place. It’s cheap (one child’s lunch money can probably make three gallons of crystal meth), and before your teeth fall out, it can do wonders for slimming your figure.Because marijuana already has a culture associated with it, I can’t wait to see which parts of the media shift towards their new demographic. Of course Spike will find some blocks in its schedule in between MANswers marathons, but there will be others. Paula Deen will debut a new recipe for weed and doughnut sandwiches because, well, why the hell not? My money’s on Brian Williams for being the first news anchor to smoke on the air. These unfounded predictions — while a tad extreme — would only apply for the initial months under the new law. There will be a cultural bubble similar to the recent fascination with Twitter. CNN’s Wolf Blitzer will ask viewers, “What’s your high thought of the day?” and I will finally enjoy the viewer input segments.The first time my parents finally let me stay up past curfew, I was so excited about my newfound freedom that I stayed up all night fueled by Smarties candy. It wasn’t that I wanted to see the sunrise. I merely wanted to test my newfound freedom. A similar interest in exploration of legal marijuana will put our nation in a sloth-like stupor as we come to terms with the new standard. Nursing homes will never have to worry about their patients sitting around bored once ganja sits in all of their ceramic candy bowls.It won’t be until a generation is born without being taught of weed’s forbidden status that we can treat it with the same casualness as restricted items like alcohol and cigarettes. Which is wonderful — because no one has ever overused those. E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(04/19/10 12:08am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I believe in satire. It can be a dangerous weapon, capable of cutting through politicians and the cultural zeitgeist as it entertains. It’s like stealth education. Medicine covered in chocolate. Something seems to be changing, though.Somehow satire has become lost, constantly being mislabeled the way irony has been misused since Alanis Morissette made a Top-40 song about it. For the sake of snarky college hipsters everywhere, we need to set some ground rules.Rule No. 1: Blatantly offensive comments do not automatically count as satire. If I wrote a column titled “I hate black people,” it would be horrendous of me to claim it was a commentary on race relations. Comedian Louis CK once commented that white people say the “n word” to get away with saying “nigger.” That seems akin to the recent abuse satire has suffered: finding an excuse to say horrible things that would otherwise merit ostracism.Rule No. 2: If you create a satirical persona, you must show the character’s flaws in his statements to illustrate the absurdity of his argument. Stephen Colbert plays a caricature of a conservative pundit. When he makes an outlandish statement against a group, we aren’t offended because his next story is about something outlandish, like polar bears causing global warming. We see Colbert as a hilarious person who’s wrong.Rule No. 3: Lower your expectations as a media consumer. Not every entertainer is a master of wit and a creator of false realties. Tucker Max, for the sake of comparison, is not a satirist. He’s a self-proclaimed “dickhead,” but his stories exalt him. They do not critique his lifestyle or parody his character. Lady Gaga has been heralded as a mocking critique of pop music, but all I can see is exactly what Britney and Madonna did before her. I hate to be so cynical, but is it that hard to believe our pop culture icons are just insane rather than visionaries?There’s something tragic about the middle ground of popular ideas. Someone truly revolutionary like Andy Kaufman is likely to go unrecognized until post-mortem while we spend time analyzing the deeper meaning of Ke$ha. Meanwhile, aspiring thinkers (myself included) are middling in between quality and quackery, not bad enough to be considered genius, not good enough for anyone to care. Is it still too early in this semester to turn my column into a request for PayPal donations?There will come a time when kids who dream of doing something amazing won’t want a beautiful singing voice or an eye for political analysis. They’ll merely want extreme delusions of grandeur so they can stumble their way into the annals of history. E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(04/14/10 7:39pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Murder By Death’s newest release, “Good Morning Magpie,” is another impressive entry in its arsenal of alt-folk rock unusualness. The band reaches into a long-gone age, impressing listeners with the same loving dedication to an era as an attendant at a medieval fair. The album is a collection of songs that could be just as appropriate in any old saloon (granted its patrons wouldn’t be scared by an electric violin).Vocalist/guitarist Adam Turla channels Johnny Cash’s growl while the group hangs back on many tracks, slowly adding themselves in at the appropriate times.Each track has its own stand-alone feel, but nothing particularly stands out as an obvious single or filler. “Yes” works as a cheerful song that keeps evoking (in this reviewer’s child-like mind) memories of Raffi’s “Banana Phone.”The album asks not to be placed on anyone’s list of favorites, yet it exists as a perfect soundtrack for the oncoming summer as you sit back on your porch with a glass of “Kentucky Bourbon.”
(04/11/10 11:36pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I was really looking forward to the mainstream news last weekend. That says something considering that anytime I hear CNN anchor Rick Sanchez my eardrums withdraw inward for protection. WikiLeaks, the relatively unknown Internet renegades, released decrypted footage from a US Apache helicopter from 2007. In the video, a group of civilians, including Reuters journalist Namir Noor-Eldeen, are killed after being assumed insurgents in an Eastern Baghdad public square. The footage is brutal, a tragedy as innocents are gunned down from the sky. After Noor-Eldeen’s group is killed, a van of civilians with children inside pulls up to save survivors. They are also promptly taken out. I’ve played a thousand hours of “realistic” war first-person shooters, and I wasn’t a bit desensitized as I heard the gunner watch Noor-Eldeen crawl from the wreckage and say toward him, “C’mon buddy...all you gotta do is pick up a weapon.”No one can claim WikiLeaks is entirely neutral; the leaked video was titled “Collateral Murder.” One can’t use this footage to base all of our foreign wars, but it does raise questions about proper engagement procedure for troops.I don’t expect things to change in that regard. Our military forces are always going to put the safety of our troops over “maybes” and caution, regardless of a few innocent casualties.I’m actually more disappointed in our media coverage of the footage. The video has more than 5 million views and was advertised in press releases for a few weeks. I know the Internet influences mainstream news. It’s not uncommon to see a particularly interesting obscure article show up on sites such as Digg or Reddit before being Headline News a few days later. So why is something that’s both a military cover-up of civilian deaths, an inside look into the Iraq war and all the brutal violence today’s younglings crave sitting on the sidelines while we cover Tiger Woods’ return to golf? If the van had been filled with strippers and not children, would that story be greeting me when I turn on the news (attempt at making a point aside, a group of strippers in the middle of a war zone would make the national news based on absurdity, not just because of our collective sex drive).WikiLeaks pulled a miracle of information release, Reuters had been trying to obtain the footage via the Freedom of Information Act since the attack, but it might be time to give up on working with old media and just realize there’s an information divide that won’t cross over to the small screen like a viral link will.E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(04/07/10 2:16pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Everyone’s getting on the 3-D train. I can understand the appeal to movie executives; pirates have yet to find a way to rip that experience, and as such, its easier to get seats filled in the theaters. Things have started to get out of hand (there’s an upcoming “Step Up” 3-D film for god’s sake), and with that comes conversation of video games following suit.A demonstration in a recent episode of “Qore” on the Playstation Network showed titles like “Killzone 2” and “Little Big Planet” given the 3-D treatment. I can already feel my eyes ache from the potential strain this devil technology can bring.Gamers are just now all starting to get on the same page as far as technology. The PS3 and XBOX 360 are finally becoming friends on shelves and now 3-D projector screens are being pushed on consumers before we can take a collective breath.I can’t completely hate the idea. Interacting with 3-D games is the next step toward those little holographic monster-chess games they played in “Star Wars Episode IV.” The problem lies in the limitations of the current tech, not just manufacturers asking us to drop a couple more grand. Sitting through a movie like “Avatar” with those fancy glasses causes a ton of stress on your eyes. Now imagine that ocular ache over 40+ hours of games. People were unable to tolerate the shaky camera movement of “Cloverfield.” We must assume the complex camera movements of 3-D games are going to cause underage kids to lose their insides like a drunk on a rollercoaster.But 3-D’s not going away anytime soon. Studios have invested too much money without us having to endure at least an awkward trial period. Unfortunately, developers might spend too much energy focusing on graphics popping off the screen rather than gameplay or ingenuity. Visual trends can be an exciting time for new games; the brown-bloom color palette of games like “Gears of War” and the early decade’s cel-shading phenomenon are just a few examples of that.The technology’s wide success would also help widen the divide between AAA publishers and indie houses unable to provide that feature without cost increases.If developers want to add 3-D as an additional feature, I support it.I just hope they’re not blinded by their own futuristic vision, mistaking something for a breakthrough when it could become nothing more than the next “Virtual Boy.”
(04/05/10 5:28pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Talking women’s rights is never a good thing in college. Even if you’re entirely sympathetic to the feminist movement, bringing it up at a party is likely to alienate everyone there.This doesn’t matter; it always comes up at parties.I’ve gotten a skewed sense of gender relations at IU through a combination of talking to feminist friends and existing in an area dominated by men. I’m a telecommunications major, which has a worse girl-to-guy ratio than Comic-Con. From my perfectly gender-neutral eyes, it’s these brave women — those content in a world of sweaty AV man-nerds — that seem to actually have an advantage. Being a white geek from America with an interest in entertainment isn’t exactly something that makes you stand out when applying for jobs.I’m also an aspiring comedian, another man-world. All I keep seeing is a gender vacuum where women can jump in. Lisa Lampanelli can’t be the pinnacle of female stand-up, can she?I just can’t tell if these absences exist because of a lack of interest or because there’s an invisible ceiling I can’t see because I have a penis.I’ve also been severely mentally scarred by my love life — perhaps a contributing factor to my views. I tell girls this all the time: You have the power to sway men and cause wars. If I were to strip naked in the middle of class, the building would lock down, SWAT would be called and someone would likely attack me to save the other students. If a woman were to do the same, people would stand and applaud in ovation. The IDS would report the next day with a headline, “Thing of wonder happened!” This bothers me.Young ladies, you can make a 13-year-old boy rob a bank for you. Just say, “I’ll show you a single breast as payment,” and they will immediately respond, “Where are the guns and escape vehicle?”So my female graduates look to make, on average, $0.80 for every dollar I make. I will likely be unable to pay my college loans anyway, so that doesn’t matter to me. I’d rather have psychic powers and be able to bend an entire gender to my will with a little flirting. My only salvation is the elder years. Only then, when my sex drive is dead and my dreams have been entirely crushed, may I truly sit back and enjoy the advantages that being a man supposedly gives me. Maybe I’ll get more tapioca pudding in the nursing home because of them.
(04/04/10 9:29pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Many of you are very concerned about your existence. To help you decide what’s important in life, you turn to religion, snack foods or Steve Jobs. I am not the next Messiah , but I do have one fundamental truth to bestow unto you: If you’re in college and have not yet held a job, you are not a real person. Your time on this earth has not been finalized until you have done so. Right now you are some shapeless entity stuck between worlds, walking the void.I can understand not working if you’re a student athlete. That is a time commitment I want nothing of, and as you’re getting paid in scholarships and gifted luxury cars, that’s a job.There might be factors hindering your employment; a disability, a crippling case of agoraphobia or a dedication to your “World of Warcraft” guild. A student doing four majors will read this and scoff, “Learning is my job, little man.” I salute you, student-who-has-no-social-life. I was once you, and I know just watching any college comedy that depicts an endless marathon of parties only deepens the wound you carry.Even if you rock the extracurricular life, I warn you that having gone this far in your collegiate career without experiencing — to paraphrase Michael Bluth — “that sweet sting of sweat in your eyes” has cheated your development. Learning about the missing limbs of the Venus de Milo in art history will do nothing for the soul like enduring the collective maliciousness that is the service industry.In a time when people are struggling to find jobs, I feel guilty for encouraging more people to hit the unemployment lines. If you don’t have the desire to work, there are people who do.If your résumé’s most prestigious entry is a high school membership in the National Honor Society, don’t be surprised if you have trouble finding work once you leave the safety of the university.Honestly, I care less about your future lives and more that there are people out there who can’t comprehend the banality of so many jobs. Until you’ve worked in food service (extremely vocal close friends working in it might count), you can’t truly appreciate the importance of tipping and why it’s also the worst social system our country has created.And if you’re one of the few who hasn’t worked yet because Dad’s got an open VP position waiting for you back home, congratulations. You have cleared the system. Like Pinocchio, you will never truly be a real boy.E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(03/30/10 8:06pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>IDS Opinion and WEEKEND Columnist/Writer Chad Quandt spoke with Conan O’Brien writer Brian Kiley. Kiley is speaking at 7 p.m. today at the Indiana Memorial Union Alumni Hall.IDS: How did you start writing monologues for Conan O’Brien? Brian Kiley: One of my friends that was working on the show contacted me, and I faxed in some jokes. At the time I did a lot of topical jokes in my act. I basically sent them about 50 jokes from my act. IDS: Transferring what you already did. Kiley: Exactly. You know, with topical jokes in the club, you have to change them because they get dated quickly. They have a short shelf life. I sent them in, and they said, “Ok you start tomorrow.” It’s a bit of an adjustment. Occasionally with other comics you might help them with their taglines. There are times when you write jokes and you think ‘why didn’t he pick this one?’ It’s a little bit of an adjustment for your ego initially. With stand-up comedy there are a lot more artistic licenses. You’re your own editor. You have complete creative control over what you’re going to say. If (Conan) has a joke that I wrote that does great or doesn’t do well you have your range of emotion. But if I go up and bomb or have a great show, the highs are a lot higher and the lows are a lot lower. IDS: At least if Conan bombs with the joke you wrote, you don’t have to deal with that embarrassment. Kiley: But I can always say, “Well, I would have done it better.” IDS: Comedians seem to have this period of eight to 15 years of hustling before you can go onto a bigger project. Kiley: Absolutely. It really takes a while to find your own voice and build your act. Some people start off and have very good stage presence, but they don’t have the material ... Usually people have one strength or another. You can have funny jokes but if they don’t fit you, then they’re not gonna work. That joke doesn’t fit your act. IDS: If you don’t look like a ladies’ man and you’re doing a bunch of jokes about sex... Kiley: There was this guy from Boston who did a seven-minute bit about buying condoms. And here’s the crowd thinking, “Why do you need a condom, buddy?” Once he changed it to, “Well I went to buy some condoms because they reached their expiration date” or whatever, that’s when they were totally with him. IDS: Have you noticed that the internet has changed the game a little bit? Where you’re seeing fellow writers right out of college? Like Donald Glover for example? Kiley: I think there’s always been those types of prodigies or something. Years ago there was a guy named Tony Sheehan who was like 19 and writing for Barney Miller. I think Woody Allen was 15 when he was writing. I do think there are those Harvard Lampoon guys who can write right out of college. Everybody has a different career path and peaks at different points.
(03/28/10 10:11pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Of all the things changing for graduates in May, the one that saddens me the most is how different social interactions are going to be. I will no longer get to hit on girls (and be promptly rejected) by asking to trade class notes. No more can I assume when meeting someone new that they have a Facebook profile. There are old people and even children out there in the world; it’s easy to forget that in the bubble of a college campus. Cute girls laying out around campus in the spring, I will miss you.I’ve spent so much of the past year worrying about future career plans that I’m just now realizing any new friendships I have are going to be co-workers or friends of pre-existing friends that I already have. That might not seem too weird until you think about the thousands of little interactions a campus provides you. There’s a small layer of unity; a transparent, filmy substance laid over every student that seems to grant enough of an understood connection. It’s not entirely freakish to strike up a conversation with a stranger on a bus or interact with another pedestrian as you watch two cyclists crash into each other on Seventh and Forest.I hope you’re satisfied with your close friends. Looking back from elementary school (where I was “friends” with everyone, including the boy that attacked me periodically on the playground) to college has shown my number of friends refined like a crucible breaks down impurities. Differing interests, busier schedules and a stubborn belief that anyone who didn’t like The Dark Knight isn’t a real person has reduced the people I hold dear to smaller numbers compared to even freshman year.If our parents are any indication, this will continue. My father has a group of old guys who sit around drinking coffee for hours talking about the days when they could hear the entire spectrum of sound. That social circle hasn’t changed for nearly a decade.As you fall into serious relationships, you might find your only social interactions are with your significant other and your cat, Ms. Muffins. Every old person seems to quietly welcome this. Either they’re all dead inside or it’s just something we accept as we get older. Maybe this is just like when I graduated from third grade and had to stop eating gross food for kids’ milk money.I have no definite advice on the matter and can’t encourage running from getting older. It just freaks me the heck out, and I have so fewer people to talk about this with than I used to.E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(03/24/10 9:39pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I’ve talked about draconian DRM in this column before, but the threat grows stronger. Rise with me, men (and supposedly women) of gaming. EA and Ubisoft again take the dastardly spotlight with new releases that are requiring players to have a constant Internet connection to play their titles. Failure to do so makes the game unplayable.New releases like “Command & Conquer 4” treat pirates like they’re delinquent school children; a few troublemakers require a constant surveying eye by the teacher (imagine EA in a nun outfit), so every kid — even the innocent ones — has to stay inside during recess. Every previous attempt to stifle piracy has failed, so its not a surprise that this one has as well. There are already reports that the aforementioned “C&C4” has a crack, meaning that hackers can play illegal copies without bowing to the heinous authentication system.Remember this is an authentication system that will sign me off (and erase all my unsaved progress) if I’m in a single-player campaign and my Internet router hits the smallest hiccups. Not all of us live with T1 lines.I care about “Command & Conquer.” I worked on the game this summer. I was in the writing room when they asked me if I thought the big reveal at the end would upset fans (and I smiled a devil’s grin as I replied that it would but that they should keep it). Despite my affections, my own technology-centric lifestyle would be hindered as I play the title.Not only is this an inconvenience, it limits your game’s life to whenever the publisher decides to close the game’s servers. Last month EA shut down online players for over 25 sports titles such as “Madden 09,” “NBA Live 09” and “Fight Night Round 3.” This lets a game company screw over anyone who finds they don’t need to buy every year’s updated version. By contrast, I have a “World Series Baseball” game for the Sega Genesis that I can still play a decade later.I generally hate the pirate community. Their presence on forums consist mostly of bragging about their digital prowess and complaints of how “no one makes good games anymore” despite their lack of financial support. But I will make an exception: pirate this game and any other one that handicaps your playing experience. You’re not buying those games anyway, merely renting them for an indefinite period of time.
(03/24/10 9:18pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Of all the entertainers I’ve interviewed for WEEKEND, Tommy Wiseau was the strangest. Wiseau’s film “The Room” is as close to a personal project as one can get. Wiseau starred, directed and wrote the movie that became a cult phenomenon after entertainers like Paul Rudd and comedic duo Tim and Eric helped establish regular viewings in Los Angeles.Traditions soon started: wait for any shot of a particular framed photo of a spoon and that utensil will start flying from the seats. IU got its own screening when Union Board Comedy brought Wiseau to the Whittenberger Auditorium earlier this month.Getting in contact with Wiseau for a pre-show interview was an adventure. I was given explicit instructions by Wiseau’s manager, Adam (who I suspect could have been the man himself since they both speak in broken English), on how to send questions ahead of time, and the responses I got back were your standard fare. It’s obvious every previous interviewer has tried to get the creator of “The Room” to address outright how his movie’s success is entirely dependant on people mocking it. (It’s now billed by Wiseau as a dark comedy.)The man had his responses down like a politician, and it seemed worthless to try and get him to admit, “Yes, my film was a failure-turned-accidental success.” That didn’t stop the many fans at the screening’s question-and-answer session from trying to corner their unlikely hero into talking about this. We all wanted to hear that, the same way we want a magician to admit the tricks he performs aren’t real even though succeeding in doing so would shatter the fun instantly. Despite the friendly nature of our interview, there were a few times Wiseau would slip and laugh about the verbal dance we were doing. After instructing me early on to rephrase a question, he said, “You may try to do whatever you want. Like I said, we don’t have no rules for this interview, but you’ll get the same answer.” Bizarrely, there were seemingly innocent topics he’d refuse to comment on, such as where else around the Midwest he was showing the film and what his reaction was when he found out Adult Swim aired his film on last year’s April Fools’ Day.This isn’t an old-time medicine man trying to sell you drugs in a bottle; Wiseau at some point believed in this project. And there’s something admirable and tragic about that, depending on how you think he views the film.Wiseau went through 12 years of his life, four production crews and more than $6 million to make it. And don’t even think about trying to find out how he financed the film without studio assistance. “I never submitted to any studio system because I knew they would not produce this project,” Wiseau said. “You probably already grasp this, that ‘The Room’ is different from cookie-cutter Hollywood.”Talking with Wiseau was pleasant, and I feel guilty for speaking badly about the guy’s work since he certainly cares about it. Each of my questions prompted a long-winded answer that often went off topic but constantly drove this fact home.Even if Wiseau views his film as a triumph, he’s still attending regular screenings with crowds that laugh at scenes and dialogue he intended to be dramatic. During one of the many sex scenes, the Whittenberger audience laughed and cheered at the sight of Wiseau’s naked ass. What does that experience do to a man’s confidence, especially when it must have happened hundreds of times at this point? But even if he knows inside the film is bad, Wiseau has won. When I asked him what the title referred to, he said, “‘The Room’ is a special place where you and me and others, we can be safe in an environment.” As I looked around at the packed theater that night and saw people laughing and bonding over a collective inside joke, I realized that Wiseau inadvertently succeeded in creating exactly that.
(03/21/10 8:11pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>It’s a bleak time for those leaving IU in May. Many are graduating; others have been sternly asked to leave. Either way, job prospects are low for those of us without instant paths into large corporations. I’ll be spending the summer with many of my fellow graduates in large cities, perpetuating the stereotype of working in restaurants until something worthwhile opens up. And it should be noted there is nothing necessarily wrong with feeding America as a means; it’s just not something I wish to do for the rest of my life given that I majored in making talkey-pictures.One of the more popular job-securing strategies is scrutinizing one’s social networks. Out of fear that a potential employer might search their Facebook profiles, I’ve seen many take the digital shears to their public info, cutting down their profiles to the equivalent of a naked shrub of facts. I’ve written about this in the past, warning girls that miming the performance of oral sex on a friend is probably not a good profile pic for one’s to-be-boss to see. Now I ask you to go the other way. Not sexually, but with your social networking habits.Hiding everything like a turtle retreating into his shell is the wrong way to go about this. Even the most ancient companies now know the phrase “Web 2.0.” They might not know what to do with that, but they want it, and their future hires should know what it means.Go ahead and put yourself out there in the public domain. If I were choosing between two new employees, I’d rather take the guy who I can see has crappy taste in movies than the one who has nothing but a generic e-mail and no results when Googled. Questions are going to race around my head for the latter: Could they be a serial killer, unable to list any interests that don’t include “cutting people’s skin and wearing that skin like a suit”? Do they fear the oncoming war with robots (and will that make asking them to use the copier a problem)?If you’re doubting the need to demonstrate “the internet skillz” (also probably the name of an underground dance crew), know this: Recently, Kenmore has been messaging me on Facebook. Washers and dryers that have no need to be online are asking me questions and commenting on status updates.Don’t be afraid to show a little digital skin; just make it less embarrassing cleavage skin and more impressive muscle skin. Show potential employers your Internet prowess. You might just end up getting an interview because you and your interviewer are both a “fan” of Justin Bieber.E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(03/18/10 5:17pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Lead Jay Baruchel takes his experience with Judd Apatow awkwardness and applies it to a movie not far out of his comfort zone. "She's Out of My League" hits somewhere between "40-Year Old Virgin" and "Hitch," with the latter film being the better comparison. This tale of “5”s and “10”s coming together will inspire those that believed the message of Will Smith and anger those who disagreed Kevin James could bag a supermodel.The supporting cast hits the right notes without doing anything to make it stand out. If you devote large dialogues block to letting characters improv, it helps to have a solid group of comedians. Arguably the best one, T.J. Miller, gets by on doing a "Jason Lee from 'Mallrats'" impression.The chemistry between the two leads is lacking, due more to ever getting to see why these two are good together. It’s an enjoyable film, but will be liked more by lonely romantic guys than couples on date night.
(03/08/10 12:40am)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>I’ve been in quite a few of the different schools here at IU, but it’s the Kelley School of Business classes that stand apart from all the rest. It’s in these rooms that I’m constantly reminded that some of our generation’s future business leaders are crazier than anyone living in Collins LLC, a dorm where people perform magic in the yard.As a major turned minor, I’ve taken several classes in Kelley, and each one has had a similar situation: a student sense of entitlement.Last week a professor of mine suggested to the 150-plus students that we can use notes on the last part of our upcoming exam. It was a kind gesture from the professor, something to which we weren’t entitled. Many students took it with excitement. Then a few hands shot up. One student complained it wasn’t fair to allow the use of notes, as he didn’t need them and that it would be an unfair advantage for everyone else. Mind you, there are no limited number of A’s in the class. Every student could potentially get a 4.0 in the course.Another student then complained that the physical act of taking out notes — removing a notebook from a backpack — would cause her undue distraction and harm her grade. This only seems to happen within the walls of the building at the corner of 10th Street and Fee Lane.I have my own weird concepts about education; I think it’d be great for IU to cull out the weakest 10th of an incoming class via physical challenges. There’s just something so bizarre about how my fellow students in business act like they’re owed something by the school. I can still remember a girl behind me in macroeconomics fighting for the professor to change the date of the final because she needed to get to the beaches of Florida as soon as possible.Maybe it’s the stress of I-Core wearing away at their sanity. On the same day I first mentioned, a student freaked out over seemingly nothing and started to call our professor a liar for subtly making fun of him specifically through class examples. As I texted my friend to tell him I loved him in case things went violent, I said to myself, “Oh business school, you’re creating the next generation of crazies to run our corporations.” People asked how Bernie Madoff could even attempt such a ridiculous stunt. I think he simply broke down studying for a hard midterm in college and became tainted.Some of these students are my friends, and I have no doubt they’ll be excellent businessmen. But someday the Feds will take them away for insider trading or running down Wall Street naked.E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu
(03/03/10 3:17pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Professional” gamers often came into the video game retail store where I used to work. Wearing black hoodies with logos of hardware manufacturers emblazoned on them, these were the athletes of a sport that wasn’t — and likely never will be — a viable mainstream form of competition.Search online for tournament footage of games such as “Street Fighter II” or “Counter-Strike.” The entertainment won’t come from spectacular coverage of play, but from watching people huddled around a screen freak out over seemingly nothing. “StarCraft” matches in Korea are particularly amazing, consisting of television presentations with all the fanfare and high-quality graphics as the Super Bowl. But we are also talking about a culture that loves the game enough that comedians can get laughs from doing impressions of the sounds. That concentration on a single game for multiple years is necessary for a dedicated following to exist. Titles like “Quake” are able to translate across sequels by keeping the main mechanics and fundamentals, but there are so many games out there that games are going to be spread out over those numerous options, limiting the levels of competition for each game.Spectators could potentially watch gameplay they don’t understand and enjoy it if only they had a simple interface to watch it through. Developers need to build better spectator modes to allow a custom way to view the key mechanics in play. Also, viewers need solid commentators who can actually convey insight into the games.The biggest and least surprising obstacle to the real acceptance of this sport as a viable competition is the charisma of its competitors. The appeal of watching professionals compete isn’t just their skills, its the drama on the court. We yearn to see the anger at a bad call, the joy of triumph and the visible rivalry between players. So many professional gamers are stone-cold killers, concentrating on the screens with little emotion. The aforementioned professionals in my shop were in no way capable of being personalities that others would admire. And they usually smelled like Slim Jims. Poker suffers from roughly the same problem. Celebrity poker is usually the only time players are not hiding behind sunglasses and actually add a little color to the game. Playing with someone else’s money for charity probably helps.Professional gaming will continue to grow as interest increases, but until a channel or Web site streamlines the process for viewers and a charismatic and dominating player comes forward, professional gaming will be considered a niche such as sports like curling.
(02/28/10 10:28pm)
____simple_html_dom__voku__html_wrapper____>Last weekend the Whittenberger Auditorium showed a modern classic film, New Moon. At the late Saturday showing, something wonderful happened.About 20 minutes in, a man stood up in the front. He yelled, “That is it! I can’t take this movie anymore!”, ripped his shirt down the front and ran out screaming from the theater.That man was me. The week-long mystery gripping the campus has been solved. It was planned ahead of time, but I did not record it; and that has made all the difference.The tale’s gotten laughs during the house-party rounds, but with every iteration of the story, I’ve been playfully admonished for not taping it and putting it online.To be honest, I intended to and had a cameraman hidden five rows back. He failed to record it, thus guaranteeing I will continue asking people “Do you know how this works?” whenever I give them my camera for the rest of my life.But this detail triggered something other than mild disappointment; it made my attempt at movie critique a failure.In a world that now transcribes the littlest details, not having physical proof with five alternate sources makes anything else seem like it didn’t happen. I do not have evidence for this claim; I have only my recollection. Maybe that’s not so bad all the time.There are occasions when listing proof is necessary, such as when writing academic papers, when listing alcohol content on beverages and when a girl claims you knocked her up.And nothing has ruined modern news more than allowing stories to hit the air with just “sources say.” Someday a journalist will take this to the next step and yell at a press conference, “Mr. president, sources say you sneak away from the White House at night and feast on the blood of D.C. hookers. What say you?”But it’s tragic that we’ll never have new fables, modern day stories to tell our children.I’ll never be able to tell the tale of Travis Allen, the boy who wrote a 30-page paper in five hours with a broken hand because there will be numerous ways to prove it was only seven pages and nothing more than a hand cramp.This might appear to be a simple musing rather than hard reporting. Elsewhere on this page Ashley Ames is likely breaking down hard economic strategy and Nick Wallace is surely waxing verbose about the latest issue to pique his interest. Just let me be the Willy Wonka of the IDS today, asking you to suspend your disbelief for the non-important things. Magic is more fun when you can play dumb and not look for what’s hidden up the sleeves.E-mail: cquandt@indiana.edu