Editor's note: All opinions, columns and letters reflect the views of the individual writer and not necessarily those of the IDS or its staffers.
No one prepares you for the first day you step foot onto your university campus, 3,420 miles away from home. People around you carry iced coffee and wear IU merch.
When you think about moving to a new country, you might think, “I can’t wait to live like that.” But when it becomes real, you might try to understand how you managed to move away from your family and friends, alone. You are starting to understand how life works, and now you are in another country, speaking another language and aiming for a degree. No pressure, right?
This shows the life of one international student: me. Every international student has a different experience. Some are worthy of their own movie, but not all the experiences are good. Life can change quickly. One moment you are in your country with the people you love, and the next you are video calling them thousands of miles away.
Additionally, there are classes. Big classrooms that look like cinema rooms, laptops everywhere, and faces you may or may not recognize. For international students, there is also English, because we never stop learning the language. I’m going to be honest, I have nothing against the classes; I like them. Even calculus. This is weird considering my major is journalism..
The hardest part is making friends. It feels like another course, and I’m glad it’s not a real one; otherwise, I would be failing right now. Making friends has never been easy for me. I thought it would be easier now that I’m in the United States, but I was wrong. The fear of saying the wrong word controls me, despite my English proficiency. I become very nervous, and my mind seems to shut down.
I’m sure all international students, not just here at IU, have been told they are brave. I have been told so many times I have lost count. It always leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. Am I really brave for just following my dreams? For just doing what I want to do?
I’ve never considered myself brave. I’m scared of talking to people and about what they might think about me. I’m afraid of answering a question in class because I could be wrong. I’m afraid of being myself because I still care about others’ opinions, even though I say I don’t. I feared staying in my country without ever achieving my dreams, so I left.
So, am I really brave for deciding to study in another country? I left because my dreams were here. Isn’t that just being dedicated? Ambitious?
People keep telling me I’m brave, but I don’t feel brave when I stumble over a word, or when I sit in silence without starting a conversation. Or when I keep my doubts to myself because I think every question I have is dumb. I don’t feel brave when I’m homesick. I don’t feel brave when I cry at night because everyone who made me believe in myself is gone. All I have now is me.
Yet every morning, I keep going. I still show up to classes. I still study, try and chase my biggest dreams. So, maybe being brave doesn’t only mean not being afraid, but being afraid and still doing it. If that’s what it means, then we, international students, are braver than we think.
Our whole life changes in a split second. I may cry, I may feel homesick, but every day I wake up and keep going. And maybe it’s okay to be afraid of this, because it is not just a little change I can undo. This is a chance I decided to take because I knew I had to. A change that will shape me to be the person I long to be. Being afraid of that can be normal, and maybe that’s why a lot of people think I’m brave.
It's sad to know there are people who didn’t take the opportunities they were given because of fear. Longing for a dream that could have been a reality in another life scares me. We should be grateful that even with fear, we decided to board the plane that changed our lives. Despite doubting whether this was the best choice, we did it because it made us happier. Since the moment I got on that plane, my life has not been the same. Yet, at the same time, it is.
I walk through a campus thousands of miles away from my home. I have a coffee in my hands all the time, and I even wear college merch sometimes. But I am still me. Only a bit braver than before.
Astrid Alomia (she/her) is a freshman studying journalism with a concentration in public relations and a minor in marketing.
