By Debby Herbenick, Ph.D.
Kinsey Confidential is a service of the Kinsey Institute and the IU School of Public Health. For more good sex information, podcasts or to submit a question, visit us online at kinseyconfidential.org.
How do I know if I have lost my virginity or not? I am not bleeding after I had sex. Also, it didn’t really hurt when I had sex for the first time. I am scared there is something wrong with me because I have been trying for two months to conceive with no success.
It sounds like you consider penile-vaginal intercourse to count as “sex,” and that’s what most heterosexual people count as losing their virginity, though some people occasionally think of having oral sex or anal sex as losing one’s virginity. The bottom line is if you’ve had sex, then most people would say you’ve lost your virginity — even if you didn’t bleed from your vagina after sex.
Not all women bleed after their first time having vaginal intercourse. When women bleed after having sex for the first or second time, it’s usually because their hymen, which is a thin layer of tissue covering part of the vaginal opening, has torn.
It sounds like your bigger concern is about becoming pregnant. You may find it reassuring to know it often takes women and their partners several months to conceive. Typically, doctors and nurses don’t consider a couple to be experiencing fertility problems unless they have tried to become pregnant for a full year and still not conceived.
Using an ovulation kit can help you understand when you are close to ovulating so that you can plan to have
intercourse around those days. Some doctors recommend couples have sex every other day around this time so as to maximize a man’s sperm count. Having sex too often can reduce the number of sperm in his ejaculation.
If you have questions about becoming pregnant, I would encourage you to ask your doctor or nurse for more information. You can learn more about pregnancy and conception on websites like PlannedParenthood.com and BabyCenter.com.
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., is an associate professor at IU’s School of Public Health and a research fellow and sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute. She’s the author of six books about sex. Her newest is “The Coregasm Workout.” Follow Kinsey Confidential on Twitter @KinseyCon and visit us online at kinseyconfidential.org.
