Disclaimer: The following editorial is satire.
Apparently the ‘80s were a wild time to be a college kid at the University of Oxford.
Allegations recently surfaced that a young David Cameron, the current prime minister of the United Kingdom, inserted a “private part of his anatomy” into the mouth of a pig carcass while attending Oxford.
Yes, folks.
We are talking about his penis.
According to an anonymous source in an unauthorized biography of Cameron titled “Call Me Dave,” the prime minister put his penis into the open mouth of a dead farm animal.
The disturbing act was supposedly part of a university club ritual.
What kind of elite bros club chooses to violate dead animals as part of its weird initiation?
Was this some kind of patriarchal assertion of sexual dominance?
Did they roast the pig and eat it afterward?
How many people have converted to vegetarianism after reading this story?
While Cameron has quickly denied the allegations and the source is admittedly a little shaky, it’s just one of those things you unfortunately can’t unsee.
There’s just no turning back.
John Oliver took to his HBO show, “Last Week Tonight,” to say the alleged incident “hits the perfect sweet spot between one of the most horrific things ever and one of the most amazing things ever.”
And whether Cameron truly did thrust his penis into a pig’s carcass, the Editorial Board finds the story just as ridiculously disturbing as it does ridiculously hilarious.
But will this put a damper on the prime minister’s reputation as a serious politician?
Will we ever be able to eat bacon without also picturing the male genitalia again?
We say this will likely blow over for Cameron.
The jury is still out for the perturbing mental images, though.
This is, however, probably not the only time an elite rich-kid college club forced its members to commit disturbing or cruel acts involving animal carcasses in its initiation ceremony.
And it’s definitely not the only time a politician did something stupid in college.
Let’s be honest, we all know Mitt Romney was a total jerk back in the day, and some things just never die.
Who knows what other kind of shenanigans that man probably got into?
Conspiracy theory: Donald Trump’s toupee is actually a carcass of dead hamster he hunted down at PetSmart as a right of passage during his time at the University of Pennsylvania.
In all seriousness, the public has also seen a fair share of politicians, including our current president, admitting they — God forbid — smoked weed in their younger years.
This list also includes, but is not limited to, Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Rick Santorum, Al Gore, John Kerry and George W. Bush, according to insidegov.com.
They all got stoned back in the day.
Who knows?
They probably even drank alcohol and attended house parties, too.
Obviously if the allegations against Cameron are true, it is unlikely they can ever be verified.
We say let’s just move on from this whole penis-in-pig debacle and vigorously scrub those mental images from our minds so we can eat a BLT sandwich once again.
