All aboard the marriage bus

There’s a bus parked outside the Marion County courthouse offering wedding ceremonies for $90 for couples who get their marriage license.

It’s called “Get Married Now.” Commanding yet marketable.

The owners, Dave and Deborah Daniels, realized that the number of weddings increases around the holidays.  

So there they parked this Thanksgiving, gladly performing civil unions and religious services for anyone who wanted to walk down the aisle.

The Editorial Board had to wonder exactly who would use this service.

So we’ve compiled a list of the potential clientele of this establishment:

1. By law, if you are married here your spouse’s title is “Bus Buddy” and you must refer to them as such.

2. The year is 2042. Kim Kardashian emerges from her hole in the ground. She must feed. Carefully she selects another professional athlete. North West weeps. When will the madness end?

3. “But he loves me, Dad!”

4. McDonald’s sees profit. They build an extension. Burger King wants in on the action. Disney writes another original movie. Soon it is known as “Marriageland.” The tagline is in Latin. It reads, “50 Percent Guarantee It Ends Well.”

5. Wiccans. They just seem like they’d use it.

6. It becomes a TLC reality TV show tentatively titled, “My Big Fat Wedding On a Bus.” Backup is “The Wheels On the Bus Go ‘I Do.’”

7. It can conveniently double as a DMV.

8. A group of fifth graders on a field trip to the courthouse confuse their school bus with “Get Married Now.” The largest group wedding in Guiness World Record history is performed.

9. Fall Out Boy catches wind of the phenomenon. They title their new song, “You Smell Like the Bus I Accidentally Got Married On.”

10. In a weird turn of events, someone marries the bus.

11. Bus churches crop up all over the country. They are crowded and make the congregation feel kind of sticky.

12. Buses are now called “Love Machines.”

13. Michael Cera grows a beard. There’s not a joke here, it’s just a funny visual.

14. The Bachelor is hosted on the bus.

15. The Bachelorette is hosted on the bus.

16. Neither of those relationships work out.

17. No one is surprised.

18. And finally, in all seriousness, someone might really want to use this for their wedding. As long as you and your partner are committed to each other, we say congratulations and good luck.

­— opinion@idsnews.com
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