Lady Gaga, 'Artpop'

Listening to “ARTPOP,” the third album from pop-extravagant Lady Gaga, makes me really miss the late 2000s and early 2010s.

Gaga was hot off the release of 2009’s “The Fame Monster,” arguably one of the most influential pop albums of the last decade.

She was defining mainstream popular music and challenging the conventions of what it was to be a musical artist.

But with the slight comedown that was “Born This Way” and the muddling misfire that is “ARTPOP,” we may be close to calling a time of death for Gaga’s egg-residing and disco-stick dancing career.

“ARTPOP” opens with “Aura,” an otherworldly and Eastern-inspired track designed to be accessible in any club on the Jersey shore, which isn’t a good thing.

Gaga employs a spoken accent throughout most of the album and especially on the first single, “Applause.”

There’s some spoken words on “G.U.Y.” that come off as creepy instead of sexy. You’ll cringe for all the wrong reasons.

These voices and accents are supposed to be some sort of cool trademark, but it only becomes annoying as the album plays on.

Not to mention it distracts from the fact that when Gaga sings, you remember what a talented vocalist she is.

The first half of “ARTPOP,” while certainly listenable, just fails to break new ground in pop music.

And I’m sorry, Gaga, but we’re going to hold you to that standard given your track record and agenda of making pop music into high art.

Gone are the days when Gaga brought us new thumping club beats in the vein of “Bad Romance” or “Telephone.”

Instead, we get songs that sound like anything else on the radio. Gaga has replaced what used to be a mesh of style and substance with full style.

The R. Kelly-assisted “Do What U Want” is the exception as the sleekest and actual sexiest track on “ARTPOP.” It’s so good you won’t even wonder why the hell R. Kelly decided to stop by.

“ARTPOP” picks up speed in its better second half, where tracks like “Donatella” and “Gypsy” bring some much needed freshness to the album.

But at this point, you’re already going to feel like the whole ordeal is running on fumes.

By the time “Applause” finally rolls around, you may have already given up and switched over to “The Fame Monster.”

We have to hold Gaga to such a standard because she’s shown what a game changer she can be.  

On “Aura” she asks if we want to see the girl who lives behind the aura.

By the time “ARTPOP” is over, we’re no closer to knowing that girl at all.

Next time, maybe Gaga should focus on being herself and not everyone else who’s on the radio.