Trucking for food

THE BIG CHEESE
10/10

AKA the Holy Grail of Food Trucks.

The men in this truck would be nice to you even if you offended their grandma.

Always opening and accepting of the drunken lifestyle, the Big Cheese will never judge you for getting ham after going HAM.

The truck is always glowing in the distance with its little mouse. Everything about it is clean and trendy.

Cheesus himself makes the sandwiches. I mean, come on, how can macaroni and cheese on your grilled cheese not be utterly delicious? The only problem is that once you finish, you’ll wish you had 10 more.

THE SNO MOBILE
9.5/10

Winter is coming. Nights grow longer, our layers thicker. The huddled masses yearn for the soothing warmth of hot cocoa and melted dairy on toasted bread.

Abandoned in the chill lies a hulking, blue behemoth, a relic of more temperate times.

Hark! O Sno Mobile, your acolytes remain faithful yet.

We shall endure the long winter, batten down our hatches, draw our scarves tight. And when spring breaks, and Sol emerges from his wintry hiatus, we shall flood the streets, anxious once more to celebrate with the ceremonial consumption of your flavored ice.

May it be a short winter.

MOTHER BEAR’S
7/10

In a remote village high in the Himalayan Mountains lies a monastery. Inside slumbers the original Mother Bear. Only the chillest of bros may work in her food truck.

The pizza is presented in “Schoolroom-Christmas Chic” style. By which we mean gaily decorated with a chalkboard menu.

Mother Bear’s pizza is obviously very good. Therein lies the problem: when drunk, pizza quality and deliciousness are inversely related.

If we wanted gourmet pizza, we’d be sober and with our youth minister and his retired aunt eating something called “Spinoccoli.” But we’re wasted and buying pizza out of the back of a van. We don’t deserve what you offer.

THE GYRO TRUCK
?

Okay, so no one on the Editorial Board has actually ever ordered from the white gyro truck that can be found at various spots on Kirkwood Avenue.

Truth be told, the van is far too scary to approach. So even if they make the literal greatest gyros on Earth, no one would ever know.

A quick check online shows the menu is rather sparse, only containing a few gyro and sandwich options with the choice of chips, soda or water.

We’re sure it’s not bad at all, but we aren’t brave enough to find out.

[Editor’s Note: The EIC Mark Keierleber frequents the Gyro Truck and gives it a 12/10. Another reason we call him our fearless leader.]
­
— opinion@idsnews.com
Follow the Opinion Desk on Twitter @ids_opinion.