Stereotypical love

The creepy bro

We’re turned on by yoga pants and the occasional “charming personality and modern smile.”

We’re turned off by absolutely nothing.

We’re relentless.

We get paired with sororities all the time, so it can be hard keeping all the options straight.

Thank god for IU Secret Admirers, where we can anonymously post about “the girl whose name might be Tina who’s definitely in Theta” to find love once more.

But that doesn’t mean we’re guaranteed to find love every weekend.

Sometimes we like scoping out our options in classes, too, but we only strike if the girl actually ends up being in a sorority.

We usually have stellar pick-up lines and often refer to John Mayer’s songs — we enjoy using Hallmark clichés to hide our creepiness.

The gay BFF

Oh, the plight of the gay BFF.

It’s a predicament felt universally. Well, at least by all the gay BFFs.

While we’d rather just skip the “gay” label and be known as your BFF, it doesn’t matter when your heart has been broken.

It’s us you run to, and we wait patiently with Nora Ephron DVDs and sushi rolls. When we’ve given all the relationship advice our minds can expunge, we’re left with no choice but to head to the Internet to anonymously post something nice about you.

After all, we gay BFFs are merely here to make you feel better. Haven’t gays on sitcoms taught you anything? We post to make you think there’s someone out there who wants to be with you emotionally, physically and sexually.

Because, at the end of the day, the gay BFF only has two of those three things covered.

Missed (blacked-out) Connections

I guess it’s been a while. You know. Since I’ve, “hooked up.” The last time was absolutely epic — I got super blacked out and well, I guess that’s it.

I remember making out with someone, but I don’t remember their name or their face or really any identifying features whatsoever.

Blackouts. What are you gonna do? But my friends said it was awesome, so I totally know it was.

The longer I go without any hookups, the more I think about that night. They were a great kisser. And that smile. I think. I think that was them.

Anyway, I started thinking maybe I could get lucky twice.

Dear you,

I don’t know who you are, but we made out once. I don’t remember it, but I was hoping we could do it again sometime.

— From the party, that night. Eh, I don’t remember.